Footnotes
by SlytherinQueen
Summary: The diary of Sirius Black, and his life starting with his last year at Hogwarts. He's in love with his best friend's twin sister. Now he has to hold on to her with all he's got.
1. Chapter 1

Footnotes

_Entry #1: June 29__th_

It was raining, only a light drizzle as I stood on the doorstep of my best friend's house. It was late too, twelve thirty at the least, but it didn't matter, only this, this family this house mattered.

The Potter house was large and Gothic in structure, yet it was far more inviting than that of Grimauld Place. I hesitated before I grabbed the brass lion head glaring at me, daring me to ask at this hour if I could stay for one more summer. I took a gulp of the cold air and grabbed the knocker giving it a good hard whack against the solid oak door. A few seconds later I was greeted by David Potter, in his bath robe.

"Come on in Sirius, James is asleep so try your hardest to wake up when you take your stuff up," He said winking. I almost laughed; I didn't even have to ask anymore. I followed him into the darkened house, a smile plastered to my face. Just like the Black family, the Potter's lived in the same house for centuries. Somehow it was better.

I flicked my wand and my trunk made its way slowly up the stairs, occasionally hitting a few on the way up. Finally it reached the landing and made its way down the hall to the room that I often shared with James. I couldn't keep the smirk off my face as the trunk rammed into the door and then landed at the end of the spare bed with a startling loud thud.

"Earthquake!!!!" James shouted sitting straight up in bed, his breath coming out faster than a scared little mouse. Emma, the elder of the Potter twins, appeared in the doorway, her slender form blocking what little light was flooding into the room.

"James, you and I both know there hasn't been and Earthquake here in England since 1948. Nice try though," She mumbled eyeing me wearily. Emma and I had a sort of rivalry going on since the first day we met. We were always trying to one up each other. Secretly though, I only pretended to hate her, and I wasn't about to tell that I was head over heels for my bet friend's sister.

"Actually Emma, there was one about four years ago, though it barely even got a one on the muggle Richter's scale. Nice try though," I replied. I watched as her eyes narrowed and she walked away. James was staring blankly at the wall in front of him. In the next room we could hear Emma checking up on her baby sister Gabriella, whom we called Baby because she was the youngest of the Potter family.

"So you get to stay for this summer too huh?"

"You bet your sweet grandmum's lacy panties I do!"

"Oh dear god! Take me now god, _please_, take me now!" Emma exclaimed from the other room. James and I snickered. Emma had lived through almost three summers and four Christmas breaks, including all of our Hogwarts years together, and I could tell she was ready to get rid of me. James was ready to put her through more sibling wars.

"Why don't you like Sirius Emma?"

"It's complicated Baby…"

"Well, you better get use to him being here, because he is my future husband you know," Baby replied. Yup, that's right. "Future husband," that would be yours truly. Baby was absolutely in love with me, and convinced hat I was going to marry her, even though she was five and I was seventeen.

"Baby, can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah…."

"Kill me, now, just do it quick. I'll make sure Sirius goes to jail for it."

"No, if he goes to Azkaban, we can't get married."

"Baby, he's _twelve years_ older than you."

"I like older men," The five year old replied. And although I didn't see it, I heard it: Emma hitting her forehead with her hand. I could also just imagine the grin on Baby's face. There was no shaking her; I was her 'knight-in-shinning-armor." Oh yes, I was a lucky man indeed.

"Older men are gross," Emma said trying to unconvinced her. Baby wasn't about to give in. I heard Emma sigh as she tried her hardest to convince her otherwise.

"Sirius isn't gross though, Besides Zach is older than you."

"By one year Baby."

"So why is he still in Hogwarts?"

"He….uh…missed a year…." Emma replied shakily. Baby laughed. (She learned this from James. She knew whenever Emma was lying and laughed about it.)

"I like older men," Baby said again. James and I rolled our eyes. This girl didn't give up. I looked over to James and mouthed.

"Well, she certainly doesn't get this from your father."

"I heard that!"

"Good night Baby," Emma James and I all declared at the same time. The house got quite and I could hear Emma's soft footsteps as she passed by the door. I smiled in the darkness to myself. This summer was going to rock.


	2. Chapter 2

Footnotes

_Entry #2: July 29__th_

One more day. One more bloody day until my last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry begins. Today was Diagon Alley day, as we dubbed it. Emma was spending time with her boyfriend Zachary Blasie, and her best friend Lily Evans. This left the Marauders with a perfect window of opportunity for some of the best mischief making.

"Daddy, can I go look at broomsticks with Sirius? Please?"

"No, you can go with Emma."

"But Emma is with mister metal head, and he scares me." (At this point the milkshake Remus was drinking came out of his nose causing a slight chain reaction. James got it the worse I fear, almost chocking he was laughing so hard.)

"Lily…help….I need mouth-to-mouth! Quick!" James cried. Lily gave him a disgusted look and shook her head. I turned my attention to Baby and her father. James continued to cough and choke and throw himself at Lily.

"Fine but please be careful," David said giving in. He let out a loud sigh and walked away. Baby and I watched sadly.

"He does that a lot these days," She said grabbing my hand. Suddenly there was a loud yell and I spun around to see James covered in yellow and pink spots. Emma, who was watching her father this whole time, had just noticed her brother's stupidity. She rolled her eyes. Milkshake came out of Peter's nose again.

"Hey Baby, what do you say we get into some trouble?"

"What kind of trouble?"

"The best kind of trouble," I replied leading her away from the slight chaos. We went into Flourish and Blotts where moments ago Lucius Malfoy had entered. Lucius was a pure breed snob of the worst kind. The Malfoy's never had a problem with the Potter family until the day Lucius ran into Emma. Lucius was in the Hospital Wing for a week and Emma walked away with a black eye. Ever since then not only have the Potter's gotten into fights, but the rest of the Marauders too, had it out for Lucius Malfoy.

"Ooooh, are we going to throw Bernie Bot's Every Flavored Beans at people and scream '_The British are coming?'_"

"Nope, I've got something even better planned. You just have to do everything I say, and make sure you do it exactly right. Okay?" I said to her. She nodded happily and listened as I explained to her what the plan was. The rest of the Marauders were in on it, and even Emma would play a small role in it, though she didn't know that yet. Timing was the key here, if we were off by s second everything would be ruined.

"I didn't know you were into younger women Black. Nothing says '_lock me up in Azkaban' _like dating your best friend's five ear old sister. Are you two picking out a picture book to read together?"

"Bite me Malfoy, I can read better than you can and you know it!"

"Whoa ho! Lookie here, someone has quite the mouth. Black you're a bad influence."

"Looks who's talking," I replied calmly. I nodded to Remus and James who hit Lucius with a spell we had found that makes the clothes invisible. Suddenly Lucius as completely naked, or so it appeared to the rest of us: He never knew.

The shop erupted in laughter and screams of shock or even delight. Lucius was still unaware that we all could see places where the sun don't shine. Baby let out a loud scream, right as Emma walked into the shop. Baby ran to her, and buried her face in Emma's cloak. Emma was gaping at the sight, very repulsed.

"What is your problem?!" Emma yelled at Lucius. He finally looked down and saw that he was in fact in the nude, a horrified look plastered to his face. He grabbed the nearest book and hid before bolting from the store, redder than a beat. I was sore I was laughing so hard, and James had collapsed on the balcony from laughter. Emma slapped me; obviously she didn't think the prank was that funny.

"What was that for?!"

"For just standing there and not doing anything to protect Baby! I trusted you to take care of her and this stuff happens!"

"Emma, it's okay, he covered my eyes, I didn't see too much…"

"Baby, stay out of this." Emma said as she frowned at me. She marched out of the store with Baby in tow. Baby blew me a kiss.

"Oh that was so worth it. It'll be all over the train and the school faster than you can say dungbomb!"


	3. Chapter 3

Footnotes

_Entry #3: July 30__th_

There was a loud commotion in the station when we arrived. Mr. Malfoy was screaming at his son for the humiliation he had caused the family, pertaining to a young girl whose family is high on the enemy list. James and I were laughing at the whole thing, but Emma stayed very steely faced the whole time, and she kept a watchful eye on Baby and on me, (which I didn't mind at all.)

"I can't believe that you would try to do such a thing to a little girl! You can be sent away for things like that, you are of age now! They should have charged you with sexual assault, and that's the least they could have done!" The older Malfoy bellowed. The whole station bristled with tension, and muggles were skirting Lucius at all costs. Emma gazed at me again, her blue yes colder than usual and I smiled. She made a small sound of disgust and kept walking.

"Hurry now, you will all miss the train," David said rushing us a bit. We went through to Platform 9 ¾ and then rushed to get onto the train. The twins put their stuff up and hurried back outside to say their goodbyes. I waited in our compartment with Lily and Remus. Making sure Emma didn't see, I watched as she and her brother bid their father and baby sister goodbye. They way she treated them individually was so different it shocked me. Suddenly I was aware that Remus and Lily were watching too.

"She basically raised Baby on her own. David knows next to nothing about raising a kid, and so Emma writes every morning and night with daily instructions on what to do, because all he does now that Kelly is gone is drink. Emma almost didn't come to Hogwarts this year, just so she could stay home and take on raising her sister full time," Remus said sadly shaking his head. The twins didn't like to talk about their father, who had so much loss running in the family, he took to 'self medicating', because they were ashamed that the man that once was their father is lost among the constant drinking and there is no getting him back. Instead they share memories of their mother who died when they were seven, or even their step mother Kelly. They don't talk about David, unless it's to complain. James came back to the compartment without Emma. The train was leaving and she wasn't on the platform. James just shook his head.

"Stay out of it Zach!" Emma yelled marching into the compartment and slamming the door. She turned to Remus, who got instantly to his feet. We could see she had been crying. Zach still lingered outside. Remus poked his head out the door and told him we were leaving in two seconds so it wasn't worth it to stick around. He left. After he was gone Remus then hugged Emma and the two went to the head of the train together. I watched as Zach wondered back and left again.

"God, I hate the git…" James said under his breath. We all nodded. Emma sure knew how to pick them.

"He's the same as all the others; we have to talk some sense into her."

"More like _beat_ some sense into her," Lucius said as he pushed the door open. Zach filed in behind him, laughing like in imbecile he is. James's hands clenched into fists, as Lucius began to talk.

"Emma has been bad….recently…and we need to…..punish her….," He told us laughing. All of us were lit with rage and I could see it in James and Lily the most. James was three inches away from Lucius in a stare down I was afraid someone was going to get hurt.

"Speaking of punishment, what did you daddy do to you? You see, I was on the other side of the station, and I couldn't quite hear, there was this screaming baby girl…"

"Shut your filthy little mouth you disgusting mublood!"

"If you ever, I mean _ever_, say that to my best friend again, or I'll castrate you and ship your parts to your daddy so he can die of even more humiliation!" Emma said with an icy tone. Lucius spun around to face her and got a punch straight in the nose. He fell to the floor with a thud. Zach stepped up to fight for Lucius but lost to a few rounds of punching and kicking for Emma.

"By the way…we're over," Emma said before Zach too toppled to the ground on top of Lucius. She stood there, gazing blankly at the crowd that had formed, breathing very heavily. I exchanged worried looks with Lily and James. I could see Remus in the back of the crowd fighting to get toward the front. He wasn't going to make it. I rushed forward as Emma collapsed. Sadly, Remus reached with in moments of Professor McGonagall.

"What in Godric's name is going on here?"

"I'd like to know the same thing," I replied. She took Emma to the front of the train with the help of Remus and the rest of us were sent to our compartments. Remus came back and traded places with James, who stayed with his sister the remainder of the ride. Both Remus and Lily were very upset. Lily and Emma had known each other since their first day of Hogwarts, but the Lupins and the Potters go back even further. Remus and Emma had been best friends since they could talk.

"Emma was saying she didn't fell very well yesterday."

"Yeah, well you wouldn't feel too great after your boyfriend took you to a back alley and beat you for embarrassing his best friend would ya now?" Lily replied almost as icily as Emma had treated Lucius. Suddenly I felt very bad for the little prank we pulled. I swallowed hard. The rest of the train ride was a living hell, and the trip seemed to drag on for hours. Once we finally got to the school I couldn't wait for the Sorting to be over, but that took years. James came back halfway through the feast, Emma-less, and he was whiter than a sheet. Nearly-Headless Nick almost mistook him for a new ghost in the school. None of us had touched our food.

"What's up with Emma, do we know?"

"She had another fit."

"So what do we do about it?"

"Nothing, even in the world of magic we can't cure epilepsy," James said. He got up from the table and walked away, clearly in a bad mood. We all sighed and put our forks down. I stabbed mine violently into my mashed potatoes, getting them all over a first year near by. Lily had to apologize for me.

"So much for a great start to the last year."


	4. Chapter 4

Footnotes

_Entry #4: August 2__nd_

A very tried and much shaken looking Emma joined us for breakfast. She sat for a good portion of the meal with a blank zombie like stare on her face. When we asked her how she was feeling James jumped in and helped explain that this is the first fit Emma has had a fit in about six years. Emma told us that epilepsy is a tiring thing to have. As Emma's head was inching closer to her plate full of bacon, Professor McGonagall began handing out bright pink slips pf paper, which we all assumed were our schedules.

"Oh, pink this year, I guess that's better than the lovely shade of puke green we got last year and the year before."

"Ugh, double Transfiguration with Slytherin first," James groaned as Lily went on about the color of the paper. I reached across the table and caught Emma's forehead before it landed in her syrup. She snapped wake and shook her head. Remus gave her a small pat and then sympathized with James, saying that he would join him for Transfiguration. Lily, too, would be joining them. I grabbed the paper out of Emma's hand and quickly looked it over.

"Oh, looks like you're stuck with me until after lunch Emmy!" I stated. Emma took her paper back and let out a low groan. She rolled her eyes and made a mock noise of excitement. Lily snickered.

"Don't sound so pleased," I replied playing hurt. Emma's eye once again looked toward the back of her head.

"So sorry, let me try that again…" She quipped letting out a loud noise, causing old Professor Flitwick to fall off of his stack of books. Several of the owls flying in didn't like the noise either. I watched in amusement as an owl fell straight into a first year's pumpkin juice from shock. Emma sighed and hid her head in her hands.

"Emma, is everything alright?"

"No, I couldn't sleep last night," Emma replied once again sighing. Just then the family owl landed next to James, almost up righting his pumpkin juice. Emma took the letter and caught the pumpkin juice, handing back to James, and began to read it relaying anything relevant to James and the rest of us. Of course, this is how breakfast always went. David would ask for help and Emma would write him daily on what to do. Even at school Emma was running the family. She excused herself from the table and went to write a reply letter.

"Can't it wait? Class is going to start soon!" James called after his sister. Emma just shook her head as she left, her black hair vanishing from sight. James left out an angry sigh as he got up from the table.

"Its days like these when I really start to wish dad had a backbone. He doesn't know how to do anything with out Emma helping him anymore," James said almost hissing. He left as fast as his sister to go to his first class, going back to his bad mood from lat night. Remus and I exchanged looks and went to our classes. Divination was extremely boring, mostly because Peter's imagination was very lacking. I think it's because his doesn't have that big of brain to begin with. At least with Emma we could still fight and plot funny deaths for each other. But Emma didn't show up for class. And she wasn't in Herbology either. Or in Potions. Remus and I were getting worried, Emma never missed a class. At lunch Lily went up to the girl's dorms to check on her. When she came back the Emma was saw was almost a completely different person from this morning.

"Wow, beauty sleep really does work! James, there's hope for you yet!" I exclaimed. Emma brandished a fork full of macaroni at me and then stuffed it in her mouth, followed by a curt reply to my earlier comment. I kept my mouth shut. When asked where she had been all morning she blushed madly and replied that she had fallen asleep in the library. Old Professor Binn's had found her and advised her to go upstairs and get some more sleep. We all nodded in reply.

"How's our poor, sick, little epileptic doing today? No more fits I hope hmmm?" That god awful sneer said interrupting my thoughts. We didn't need to turn around to see who it was. Emma rolled her eyes, slowly turning to face Lucius. I turned with the others and then held in a laugh. His nose was purple and swollen from the beating Emma had giving him yesterday.

"Unless you want to lose the rematch as well Lucius I suggest you leave."

"Oh! Lookie here, someone is feisty today! I do like them feisty you know…"

"Drop dead, it'll do us all a favor. Then your poor dad won't have to die of embarrassment anymore," Emma replied. Lucius mumbled something in reply, and I was the only one who caught it. Within seconds I was on my feet in his face.

"You wanna run that one by me again? Huh? You worthless piece of scum!" I yelled throwing a punch at his already bruised nose. But the punch never landed. Emma caught my elbow and held me back, pulling me so I faced her. James almost fainted in shock. That was the first time Emma had ever stopped a fight. Maybe the last time too. And Emma would never intervene in my affairs. All of us were in shock. Lucius left, and the rest of us just stared at Emma in pure disbelief. As the bell rang for afternoon classes Remus took Emma aside and asked her something. Lily and I went to class.

"I've never seen Emmy ever do anything like that in my whole life!"

"Me neither, I mean, it's like she's a different person…"

"Don't be silly, Emmy is the same person, she's just acting different today that's all. It had been a weird day you have to admit. I haven't seen a day this stressful on Emma since the night her mother died. Just give her some slack that's all I'm asking," Lily replied as we took our seats in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Like last year it was a different teacher, but this teacher never really did anything but sleep on her desk and drool.

"Hey can you help me with my Divination, Emma wasn't there so I couldn't think of any good bad dreams to fake."

"Sure," Lily began. Just then Lucius walked in and took his seat and began telling everyone what happened at lunch. He made up lies about how Emma begged him to let her be his girlfriend and how he had to let her go. I stood up and went over to his desk and smiled at him.

"You forgot something at lunch…." I said punching him hard in the nose. Then I went back to my seat.

"So, about that dream…got anything good for me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Footnotes

_Entry #5: August 25__th_

Things at Hogwarts returned to normal and time wore on like it always did. Emma seemed to be herself, to our relief. Then again, we had bigger things to worry about. For the past two years whispers of a new threat, a dark wizard who called himself Voldemort, was on the tips of everyone's tongue. Just within the last two weeks attacks began to break out on small wizarding comminutes, but we were all use to it. Our generation was constantly 'threatened' with so called Dark Wizards, but all failed. As far as we were concerned Voldemort was just another passing failure.

"Do you think he'll be a real threat? Moody says that one of these guys is bound to come out on the top and terrorize us all. What if he's the one?"

"Oh pluh-lease! With a name like Voldemort? Besides, you'd believe anything our godfather told you. He says jump and you answer back 'how high'?" James said scoffing as he read the _Daily Prophet_ over Emma's shoulder. She let out a loud agitated sigh and handed him the paper. He smiled and climbed into between Emma and Remus and snatched a piece of bacon from my plate across from him. As he sat down Emma hit him with the letter their dad had written.

"What was that for?!?!"

"The Moody comment! I do not do that!"

"Oh yes you do!" James and I said in unison. I was on the other side of the table so I didn't have to worry too much about Emma's wrath; James on the other hand, got the brunt of it.

"Don't make me turn all dark side on you!" Emma said joking. Peter seemed to think this was exceptionally funny, because he was the only one who kept laughing after the joke lost its glory.

"Laughing at the powers of Dark Magic are we?"

"Maybe we are Lucius, what do you care?" Emma said mocking his sinister tone. I bit my lip and held in a laugh as Lucius got all offended. Emma's impression was almost dead on to what Lucius really sounded like: a little boy who hasn't gone through puberty yet. Lucius gave Peter an odd look and then glared at Emma with a look neither James nor I liked.

"What's so funny Black?" Peter cried 'your mum' and we all groaned. He thought it would be something that would catch on… we all highly doubted it. Lucius gave Peter a disgusted look and walked away. As soon as he was gone Emma shivered.

"Ugh, that creep has taken to following me around the school!" Emma said in her Lucius voice. She even got the funny glare he did down to an art. Lily reached across the table and gave her best friend a pat on the hand.

"Don't worry, it he keeps it up, we'll hurt him, and then notify Dumbledore," James told his sister with a big grin on his face. I nodded, Remus reassured Emma he's watch James and I to make sure we didn't get into too much trouble. Emma smiled in a thank you sort of reply. She then got up to go to class, but not before she gave her brother a farewell flick in the middle of the forehead.

"What was _THAT _for?!"

"For being stupid," Emma replied. I laughed and quickly got out of my seat to avoid getting hit by James. We then hurriedly made our way to class, giggling like little kids. Emma suddenly froze besides me as we began to walk up the staircase to Divination Class.

"He's here…." She groaned. I smiled and told her I'd take care of it. I grabbed her hand, and set off at a run without any warning. We hastily made our way up the staircase without any problems. Lucius definitely wasn't following us now.

"I think we lost him," I panted as we reached the rest of the class. Emma let out a loud sigh and placed her hands on her knees, taking deep breaths. She kept her head bent down as she finally caught her breath.

"Please warn me next time you do that," She said straitening up. I laughed, still fairly out of breath. The thin silver ladder suddenly came down from the ceiling and we followed the class not really wanting to make things up today. Once we entered the class room again Emma and I became rivals in imagination once more.

"Good morning class, today we are going to read the auras, or the energy of a person. I want you to pair up and really feel your partner," Professor Trelawney said in her usual dreamy voice. Emma turned to me with the mischievous look in her eyes. Following the basic instruction we reached across the table and grasped hands 'firmly' and closed our eyes. I noticed Emma blushing just a bit.

"Close your eyes Black! I'm trying to read our aura," Emma said interrupting my thoughts. Professor Trelawney came around and told us to really feel the colors.

"I keep getting a very dark color…."

"You're so funny Emma, Black has a black aura," I replied my voice dripping with sarcasm. She let out a laugh and the grin stayed on her face as she closed her eyes again and began to 'read' the color of my aura.

"Good Emma, keep reading, that's right. Feel the color of Mr. Black's…"

"Dark"

"aura…" Professor Trelawney said, not even noticing Emma's addition. Emma's eyes suddenly snapped open scaring me as the old bat left us alone. She smiled even wider and let go of my hands to dip her quill into her ink. She quickly scribbled something down and then looked directly at me and nodded to herself.

"Most fitting," She said. I looked over to se what she had written.

"_My aura is puke green?!_" I said with distain. She nodded again.

"Because you make me sick," She said giggling so hard tears started to leak from her eyes. I rolled my eyes. Now I had to come up with something really good…Emma recomposed herself and then took my hands again. Maybe ice blue, because her heart is full of ice…Emma suddenly went limp and her hands fell from mine. She fell back in her chairs, slumped over, her eyes rolling up in the back of her head. Her body began to shake lightly.

"Wow, somebody's is just _so_ funny today…..really I mean it…okay Emma, knock it off. Seriously Em, it's not funny anymore. Emmy?" when she didn't reply I quickly picked her up and placed her on the floor and held her head, as the fit began to reach it's climax. I put my head by her mouth and listened her breathing, it was short and shallow. I looked up, unable to keep the panic from my face.

"Someone help," I said, weakly at first, and then it burst out of me in a roar. Only one of Emma's other friends, Molly Pewit got up to help me.

"Hold her feet still."

"Black, what did you do?"

"Why is Potter on the ground?"

"Is she going to die?"

"What's going on?"

"Does this mean no more class for today?" People whispered, but they all just stood there. Professor Trelawney didn't even notice what was going on, because one student had decided to play sick and drink all of the other classmate's ink. Suddenly as it started, the fit stopped and Emma went flaccid again. I scooped Emma up and made my way out of the classroom.

"Thanks for helping!" I yelled back at the class. Angrily I made my way down the stairs and to the hospital wing. Once Emma was safe in Madame Pomfrey's hands I went to invade Professor McGonagall's class.

"May I ask why, Mister Black, you are interrupting my class?"

"I need James."

"And why is that?" I turned to James and looked him, my head down. I felt it was my fault now as I stood in front of my best friend.

"It's Emma," I replied. James jumped to his feet and we both left the class. Remus and Lily tried to follow but McGonagall was smarter than that. She wasn't about to let three of her students go. We got to the hospital wing out of breath. Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let us see her, so we waited outside as I filled James in on what happened. He shook his head sadly. Then we waited. It seemed like forever we waited and I thought James was going to wear a hole into the floor. Finally we got some news.

"She's okay, but Mr. Potter, I had to owl your father and he'll be here in the morning. When he arrives we'll talk in detail. Right now she's sleeping, so go a head and get some lunch." That was all. I let out a sigh. As we walked away James clapped me on the shoulder.

"Sirius, thanks for being there, and helping her. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened. So thanks, it means a lot."

"No problem, mate, what are best friends for?"


	6. Chapter 6

Footnotes

_Entry #6: August 26__th_

I slept very lightly, but not so light that I didn't get any sleep at all. I didn't even hear James come into the dorm at 2 in the morning. When it was about time for breakfast, the sound of his snoring did wake me from my uneasy sleep. I felt dazed when I groggily glanced at my best friend and noticed that he wasn't in his bed. His blankets were still neatly made. But I knew those snores, no doubt about it. Confused, I tried to get out of bed and investigate but I got tangled in my blankets and fell flat on my face on the hardwood floor. Remus laughed and helped me up as he came in the room. Then he looked at the empty bed where the snores where coming from. He let out a small sigh.

"How many times do I have to tell him he could suffocate if he sleeps with the cloak on?" Remus said rolling his eyes and pulling the Invisibility Cloak from out of thin air. Suddenly James appeared, sleeping on the edge of his bed, ready to fall off in seconds. My brain still couldn't figure it out. Remus gave me the cloak and patted my shoulder.

"I don't think you really know how much I hate you Remus Lupin," I said as I dropped the cloak on the floor and began the slow process of getting dressed. Remus laughed and tried to get James to wake up.

"Damn morning people," James groaned as he got off the bed with a little more coaxing from Remus.

"You stole the words from my mouth my good man," I offered as I went downstairs to the common room. I decided I'd let Remus dress James this morning, considering I do it almost every other morning. As I began to leave I heard James observe,

"This isn't the hospital wing." No wonder he never took that stupid cloak off, he's always sleep walking. After Remus got James downstairs, we met with Lily and we went downstairs to eat toast and pretend to care what everyone else said. We ate fast, and then we grabbed some toast and a flask of pumpkin juice to bring to Emma.

"You scared me yesterday Em," I told her as we walked into the Hospital wing. I joking threw a piece of toast at her head. Amazingly, she caught it and took a huge bite out of it. After she had finished off the piece she made her come back.

"No you scared me, right into a fit. Just one look at your face and…." She made a fake look of horror like she was about to puke, or something.

"And to think, I was going to be nice today,"

"Whoa! Hold the phone, Black just said the word 'nice'," Emma joked. For all that had happened yesterday, Emma was in a great mood, and we were glad. She seemed to be her normal self again. Just then Madame Pomfrey came in with David right behind her. We were shooed away (with the exception of James) and sent to wait outside. As the doors closed James and I exchanged looks of worry. Something was up, we could tell.

"I wonder what it could possibly be." Remus said out loud. I was about to make a lame muggle 'it could be lupus' joke, but decided against it. I went to the window and gazed at the students enjoying the nice summer like weather while it lasted. The leaves were starting to turn red and gold and orange, and on this particular Saturday it was very beautiful. But it didn't calm me at all. Every noise around us seemed amplified and time moved sluggishly. That was the longest ten minutes of my life. Then came the second worst moment of my life. It was a sound, a horrible, awful sound of metal hitting the wall, and then the floor. That loud clang wasn't what hurt; it was the high pitched heart throbbing wail that came right after it. Remus and I flinched a little and Lily jumped to her feet and burst through the door to Emma. James came out to tell us what was going on.

"Emma has…….um…Emma has…a couple of…..er….good sized tumors…..in her heart and her brain. The ones in her brain are triggering her epilepsy to get worse. That's why she's had two fits almost in a row when she had gone ten years with out one. The…a… tumors are malignant and there is a chance they could come back….so Emma's going to St. Mungo's to have them removed…she'll be gone about a week," James said forcing to keep strong. He and his sister were very close, and Remus and I both knew how hard this was on him. We both offered our apologies to him, and then we went inside to see Emma. Before I did, I gave James a quick hug. Emma was slumped against Lily's shoulder, crying. Lily too, was crying, but not as hard as Emma was. The toast we had brought was scattered across the floor along with other simple medical instruments left out from this morning. David was sitting across the room, shock on his face, but he wasn't crying. I don't think it was possible for him to cry anymore, now that alcohol had taken over his life. He was done with emotions as far as I could tell. Lily was murmuring something to Emma.

"You aren't.….the one…….mustn't blame yourself…..nothing….with her death. You've…….everything…….live for."

"But…..gets worse……comes back? I might die," Emma said holding back more tears. I could only stand there watching. Remus had joined Lily on the bed and now had Emma scooped up in his arms, gently stroking her hair. James stood next to me.

"Madame Pomfrey says that if she has another fit there's a good chance she won't wake up again. Our medical advancement is far better than muggles, and she thinks that Emma has a really good chance of living the rest of her life without the cancer or the fits. But there's still the chance it could come back," He said as we watched Madame Pomfrey give Emma a potion to help shrink the tumors. James looked at me, and smiled: a real honest to god smile.

"Thanks again,"

"For what?"

"You know what."

"Not really…," I replied still feeling a bit out of place. Emma had calmed down and was talking with Lily and Remus again. David had gone to the window lost in a drunken state. Emma hadn't acknowledged her father's presence yet.

"For being there, it's just…it…it really, and I when I say really I'm not kidding; means a lot to me. Right now, Emma and Baby are the only two things I have that stand for anything anymore," James said joining the small group. I stood there, till Emma made a weak comment about it and, I too, came over. We were there for an hour till we were kicked out. At lunch Peter kept questioning us, but no one felt like answering his questions. We all were still thinking of Emma. After lunch we went to see Emma again. David was gone, but Emma didn't care. She smiled at us when we came in.

"There's my family," She said. "I was wondering when you'd come back before I left." We all climbed on her bed, squished around her. Lily rested her head on Emma's and smiled weakly. Her eyes were still a little red for crying.

"I want you guys to know, that no matter what else may change, you are still my family. For always, and I really mean it."


	7. Chapter 7

Footnotes

_Entry #7: September 5__th_

Ten days can be a lifetime: a lot can happen in ten days. A whole lot of nothing can also happen in ten days. I, personally, wish that at least _something_ had happened. James stayed in school, mostly because his grades weren't perfect like Emma's and he couldn't afford to fail his N.E.W.T.s seeing as his grades were already bad enough. But he wasn't really himself. He seemed liked only half of him was there, and Remus's twin theory came into full light. The three of us were concerned. You see, James was spending a lot of time in the library: James Potter never set foot in the library before, until now. The day Emma was due back he was in the library again, _reading. _I had almost forgotten that he knew how to read. We were all surprised that there wasn't anything going around the school about Emma's cancer. I was very glad it hadn't come up.

"So, I heard that our little cancer patient is due home. That is of course unless she died on the table. I'm sure they'd tell you about that though."

"Shut up Malfoy, you have no idea what the Potter family is going through right now."

"What and you do?"

"Yeah….actually….I do."

"What, probably because you were doing your best friend's sister until she got sick? What would you do Black, if you lost your playmate?" Lucius taunted. I jumped to my feet, upturning goblets and plates, spilling the pumpkin juice. I got right in his face and glared at him.

"Sirius…" Lily scolded me. I walked past Lucius and headed for the door. Then I spun on my heel, and pulled his wand from his hand and punched him square in the nose. Then I stuck his wand in a first year's oatmeal before I stormed out. The only thing I felt bad about was ruining that first year's breakfast. Lily and Remus quickly followed behind me as I made my way outside. I angrily plopped down in a pile of leaved near the edge of the lake.

"It's okay Sirius, we won't tell James."

"There's nothing to tell him, except that I punched Lucius and ruined someone's breakfast. And I can guess what he's gonna say! '_Too bad I missed it'_," I replied holding back the anger flowing through me. Students passed by me whispering. I glared at the clump of dry crumbling leaves and soil clenched in between my fingers. I wanted to scream but I told myself to stay calm.

"Stop it; you know what we're talking about."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do, and I know it. Now we promise we won't tell as long as you tell us how long you've liked her for." Lily said calmly. I realized how good Lily was at getting things out of people, maybe this is why Emma didn't keep secrets from her. I didn't say anything; instead I relinquished my grip on the dirt and wiped off my hands. Then I held up four fingers. Lily giggled and Remus didn't really react. I think he just knew so he didn't have to react. I stood up and lobbed a large rock out in the lake. It made me fell better.

"Come on Padfoot, lighten up. We have a party to throw," Remus said urging me to let it go and get ready for Emma to come home. Of course he was right, so the three of us went to the common room and began to decorate for Emma's big party. We spent the rest of the day preparing, throwing streamers about and stealing; well it's not stealing because they willing give it to you with a smile, but getting food and Butterbeer all ready and set out. Pretty soon Emma would be here, and it had to be perfect. Once we had finished we leaned back to admire our hard work.

"We did good," I said nodding and overlooking the gold and red streams everywhere. There was a huge banner that read 'Welcome Home Emma' and a net full of confetti.

"Yeah, for a Welcome party, it's not half bad," That all too familiar voice said from behind us. We turned around in unison as everyone in the Gryffindor tower burst into applause. Lily nearly knocked Emma to the floor, when she tackled her. Both girls were crying and laughing. Remus gave her a huge hug and a kiss on the top of the head. James, of course, got the biggest hug. He was crying harder than Lily was which made us laugh, and James cry a little more. Finally it was my turn. Emma went to embrace me and then thought better of it and extended her hand. I shook it with a smile on my face. She blushed a little.

"Welcome back. I've got to say, you're family sure missed you."

"I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed them! I'd even be happy to see Professor Binns right now!" Emma said as the party kicked up. She told us all about what happened, and how dull it was. We listened to a few students sing random made up on the spot songs and a few students even started dancing. The party was a complete hit, and a couple of times Professor McGonagall had to tell us to shut up and go to bed. The games were getting boring and several people had gone to bed, but most of us wore on. This was Emma's big party, and we were really gonna rock it. As it got later and things began to finally die down I watched Emma slip out into the corridor. Quietly I followed her, to curious for my own good. She walked down the Gryffindor corridor to a floor to ceiling window near the Fat Lady's painting. She stopped in front of the window and gazed out of it at the lake.

"I missed this place, every little detail about it. I found I missed Peeves, and in a small way, I even missed Lucius. A brush with death makes you love some of the simple things in life."

"Like punching Lucius in your defense?" I joked. Emma turned and looked at me a smile on her face. I came and stood right next to her.

"It was very hushed around here with out you. And I learned how lacking Peter really is when I comes to brains," I said. Emma let out a small laugh. She turned and looked at me that smile wide on her face. I could tell just by looking at her she really was having fun since her 'brush with death'. I moved closer to her, and she did the same, and I wrapped my arm around her waist to close the gap between us. Our faces getting closer and closer together….till our lips touched…for a second. Then I heard someone behind us and I quickly pulled away. I saw Remus out of the corner of my eye. I noticed that Emma was a little bit red. I bid her goodnight and walked past Remus, also saying goodnight to him. I left as fast as I could. Tomorrow was going to be really interesting.


	8. Chapter 8

Footnotes

_Entry #8: October 31__st__, Halloween_

Ah yes, Halloween a kiddies delight for thrills and chills but for the rest of us, it's an average day. Emma still wasn't talking to me and it had been almost two months since the whole 'thing', as I now referred to it, happened. I tried to make simple conversation for the pure sake of chatter, but she ignored me and so I had resorted to acting as if this ignoring thing didn't bother me. Too bad it really did. That morning was boring as usual and as I tired to remember what I forgot to do for that Potions essay and James read the _Daily Prophet. _

"It says that the attacks are getting more frequent and closer and closer to Hogwarts," He said. Emma didn't really say anything she was focused completely on her porridge. Remus gave James a funny look.

"Since when did you read the paper?"

"Since the war started," James replied. I held in a laugh, which came out as a loud snort. I began 'sneezing' to cover it up. A small smile collected at the edges of Emma's lips. When she noticed that I saw it, she frowned again. James hit me with the rolled up newspaper for laughing at him.

"What was that for?!" I cried. He rolled his eyes at me and grumbled. I began to complain about Halloween to help change the subject.

"Ugh, I hate Halloween, it's so pointless…." I grumbled. Nearly Headless Nick floated by and overheard my complaint and adamantly put in his two cents on what he thought of Halloween. After we listened to him briefly rant we watched him float away angrily.

"See? Even Nick agrees with me! Halloween is a dumb holiday," I embellished. I'm pretty sure Peter said "you're mom is a dumb holiday," but I ignored him. Nobody else was listening. James was trying to copy off of Remus and Emma was reading mail and gripping about her father. Lily was writing something down….

"Oh, I wish you men knew how to do things on our own!!" Emma cried angrily stealing the quill James was using and scribbled a quick and furious reply to her father.

"Hey, I'm capable of MANY things thank you very much!"

"Oh good job James, you can tie your shoes, feed your self and go to the bathroom by your self. What else can you do, because last time I checked you couldn't even get out of bed with help from Remus or Sirius!" Emma snipped back at him. James gave her the evil eye and then turned to Remus for more help; but Remus was too busy laughing to notice, which caused James to get even more frustrated. He snatched his quill back from his sister, and almost spilled his ink all over his bacon. With an agitated sigh he packed up his things and went to class a couple of minutes early. Lily went with him. Emma and I got up and began our silent walk to Divinations class where we would spend a pointless period gazing at crystal balls.

"Like I said, today is pointless!" I hissed, right as the old teabag came up behind me and asked me what I saw in the crystal ball. I decided to be a smartass and entertain myself.

"Well…it depends on the angle…see from down here; all I can see are the pores on Emma's forehead oh and from up here, I can see that she missed a spot when she did her eyeliner. But…when I look from up here I can see right down Emma's…"

"That is enough out of you Mr. Black! If you won't take this seriously then I have no choice but to send you to see the Headmaster!"

"Really?! You're really gonna send me out of this hell hole? That's the nicest thing anyone has done for me…"

_"__**GO!**__" _She snapped. I picked up my book bag and left, but had no intention of visiting Albus today. He wouldn't mind, considering I was in a peculiar mood and I'd most likely be visiting again later today. I walked up and down the stair case, minding my own business when I caught sight of movement out of the corner of my eye. I recognized that white blonde head of hair any day…so I followed him. Making sure Lucius didn't see me I tailed him to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Once inside I hid and listened.

"Okay, let's go over the plan for tonight one more time, this has to go as smoothly as it possibly can. We have to create a distraction in the Great Hall so they can get in and out without being seen. I need you to be the fake Emma so that we get the real Sirius out of the way. The last thing we need is for there to be two Sirius Blacks running about. Of course I'll be the fake Sirius, and I'll maybe fight with Emma in the Great Hall and get everyone involved. I've already got the hairs; we just have to wait until tonight to pull it all off. Meet back here right before the feast," Lucius said. I kept hidden and watched as he and his goonies left with him. Then, I too left, before Myrtle saw me. I went to the rest of my classes and waited until lunch to talk to Remus and James about what I had overheard. Once I had explained it to them we decided we need to make a plan.

"I'll follow Lucius and cut him and his friends off at the bathroom. There are only two of them, so I can handle it. You guys make sure that Emma, the real Emma stays safe and away from Lucius," I whispered. They nodded and we went to afternoon classes.

"What are you and my brother scheming up this time?" Emma asked me as we walked to Muggle Studies, which is our only afternoon class together. I smiled, but I refused to tell her the truth.

"It was nothing."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was," She replied. We took our seats and opened our books as Emma began to guess what we were plotting. Of course she was always off.

"It's a prank I know it is!" And all the way through class she wouldn't drop it, she just had to know what it was.

"Just leave it be Em, it's nothing important," I told her leaving her to go to my only class with Remus, Astronomy. The whole period we didn't listen, we just discussed what we were going to do.

"Should we tell the Headmaster and warn him?"

"So he can what? Assemble and army and march out onto the grounds and have a parade? We know Lucius is planning a distraction, but we don't know what for."

"They want into the dungeons for something…"

"But we don't know what that something is! For all we know they want to clear it out and dance about naked. We can't tell anyone what's going on," Remus said to me. Reluctantly I nodded. We'd just have to wait it out.

The hours that ticked by till the feast were slow, but they finally came, and it was time to jump into action. I watched as Lucius and his group snuck up to Moaning Myrtle's but someone ran into me on the stairs and I lost track of them. I rushed up to the bathroom and caught the other one on the way out. He had already taken the Polyjuice Potion, which wasn't a good sign. That meant that Lucius could have taken it already too. I stunned the fake Emma and threw him in to the bathroom and checked to see if Lucius was still in there. He wasn't. So there was another Sirius Black out and about looking to make some trouble. Great. I began walking down toward the Great Hall, keeping my eyes open for the other me. I didn't see him until I got to the feast. There in the middle of the Hall was Emma, and she was arguing with Lucius, disguised as me. I frantically looked for James and Remus for help and saw that they both were on opposite sides of the Hall, fighting off Slytherins. I sucked in all my breath as I stared at the complete chaos around me. Closing my eyes I tried to think of a plan, but I was interrupted with a small gasp by a Gryffindor first year, who had noticed the two Sirius's. Lucius hadn't noticed yet. I snapped out of my dazed state and ran toward Emma, acting as quick as I could.

"Emma, stay away from him!" I shouted but she didn't hear me. She was to busy arguing with the Lucius-me.

"You don't know anything about being a man Sirius Black!" She yelled beating on his chest. I walked closer, pushing people out of my way. Lucius glanced sideways at me and I instantly saw the panic on his…er…my face. I never knew that my eyes really could give it all away.

"Oh really? Do real men know how to do this?" He asked roughly grabbing Emma and pulling her into a kiss. Furious I lunged at him, hardly giving her time to react, and punched him in the side of the face, breaking the kiss apart. I caught a glance of her face, and the pure shock on it.

"What is going on?!?!"

"This Sirius is an imposter!" I shouted pointing at him. Now all the Gryffindors were o their feet watching. I noticed that Remus and James were still fighting.

"How do I tell which one is the real Sirius?"

"Ask me a question," I said, shoving Lucius-me back behind me. Emma gave the Lucius me a suspicious glance as he gave him a nasty look. I couldn't believe that we had to go through with this, he didn't even sound like me! She nodded and cleared her throat.

"When did my mother die?" The Lucius-me spat out a lucky guess. I was forced to embellish on his answer when she turned to me.

"It was June 10th and when you and James got the letter we were all spending the day at the river down by Remmy's house," I replied. She nodded but didn't say anything. Lily came up and helped. James and Remus were still fighting.

"How many years have you liked Emma?" Lily asked looking at me. I blushed a little and looked away, so did Emma. So much for keeping _that_ secret. Lucius kept his head held high.

"Six years," He said. I shook my head no.

"Four," I cut in. Lily nodded. Emma was still unconvinced as to who was who. She decided to ask two more questions.

"What happened at my party?"

"I kissed you."

"And…?"

"Er….it was good…?"

"He's right, we did kiss; but our lips barely touched before Remus caught us," I said as Lucius began to panic a bit more. Lily jumped in with the killer question.

"That day we talked, you know the one, I asked you a question, and you gave me the most beautiful answer. What was said?"

"You asked me why I liked Emma and told me to give you a good reason. My answer was: I never believed in true love, or love at first sight until I met Emma. She captivated me, memorized me from the start, not just with her beauty, but with her charm and her compassion for others. I knew right then and there she was the woman I wanted to wake up too every morning and the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And ever since I met the Potter twins my favorite color has always been blue, like her eyes, because those blue eyes are what get me through my day, and they're always smiling, which makes me smile. But a mere smile doesn't do justice to how I feel," I replied. Emma went scarlet. Lucius was next to me in my body almost shitting bricks.

"I told you my life story, and how hard it was till I met Emma. I explained that just her friendship alone has gotten me through so much that I longed to be able to have more and to have a better life, with her by my side."

"You're wrong," Lily said to Lucius-me. He flipped out his wand and pulled Emma to him, his wand pressed to her neck like the tip of a knife. I could see that he was pressing so hard it hurt, the skin was white and pulled taught, and she winced. My shaggy black hair was slowly growing back into that sleek blonde hair of his and my grey eyes turning into those cold blue ones. Emma began to squirm as Lucius changed back fully into his self. James had broken free of his captor and gone to help Remus. I longed to help, but I had to save Emma. I sent Lily to go help; this was between Lucius and I.

"Lucius, let her go…"

"So you can whisk her away?" He laughed. "I don't think so."

"I swear if you don't let her go I'll…"

"You'll what Black? Cry like a little girl?" He taunted. Emma was panicking and I could see tears welling in her eyes. The wand was now digging into her neck, and she'd be bruised for weeks at this rate. I knew what I had to do…I looked at Emma and mouthed "I'm sorry".

I went to stun them both to keep Emma as safe as possible, but Lucius saw it coming and ducked so that I hit a Slytherin kid in the back of the head. I cursed loudly. I had a plan B, but I really really didn't want to do it. Oh man….it was looking like I had no other option…I closed my eyes and used the Imperious Curse on Emma. She went blank, no emotions on her face, and then I told her to kiss Lucius. She quickly spun around and laid one on him, throwing him off guard. As I watched I could see her fighting it with all her might and I let the spell go. Lucius was so stunned it didn't mater anymore. Emma pulled away as she broke the last of the curse and I stunned Lucius before he had a chance to recover from what just happened. He fell to the floor and Emma picked up his wand and gave me a glare before helping Remus. I stood there as Albus and the other teachers rushed in to help clear the chaos. They had gotten a ministry tip off of the dungeons but had no idea there would be such a fight in the Great Hall. Once everything was cleared up we were sent to our common rooms and I was sent to see Albus because of my outburst in Divinations this morning. I went back to the common with a date for detention tomorrow night to clean crystal balls.

"Yeah, Halloween just sucks."


	9. Chapter 9

Footnotes

_Entry #9: November 1st_

After the fight Hogwarts returned to a semi-state of normality though today breakfast was quiet. No one said anything to Emma about the bruise on her neck, which was still visible, even after Lily went to work healing and covering it up with magic. Instead we all pretended it wasn't there, though some poor first year had the misfortune of asking and had to suffer Emma's wrath. While that was going on Remus tapped my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I mumbled.

"You should go explain to Emma what happened last night. She's still confused and hurt and even though you did the right then she needs to hear an explanation from you," Remus said. I spooned a big bite of porridge into my mouth and nodded, as always he was right. Then as I began to get another spoonful I realized…

"What am I gonna say?" I asked dropping my spoon and looking at him. He paused, his goblet of juice raised to his lips.

"Tell her you did it to save her life, that you did it because you didn't have another option, whatever your reasoning is, tell her the truth."

"Easier said than done my friend," I replied and he only smiled. Yeah I figured as much, this one was all on me. I looked down the table a little ways at Emma who I caught looking back at me. When she noticed that our gazes had locked she turned away quickly. Great, how was I going to talk to her if she wouldn't even _look_ at me? As I continued to slowly eat my now slightly cold porridge I overheard Lily say something.

"Em, you have to apologize to him. He was trying to save your life and you're treating him like garbage. I know his method of choice wasn't…ideal but what else could he have done without getting you injured? He did what seemed best to him, and he deserves better treatment than this."

"You're right, of course. I'll apologize, but what do I say?"

"I don't know…how about the truth?" Lily said to her best friend. I couldn't help but smile, and I even let out a little laugh. Emma turned to look at me and at that instant James let out a loud snore. I looked at him and laughed even harder, my cover thankfully not blown. Remus shook his head and punched James in the arm and James lifted his head, bits of his breakfast stuck to his face along with a dazed and confused look. As everyone laughed I excused my self to go to class early, so I could get a head start on my detention work, as much as I despised it. Lily pushed Emma to her feet and gave her a shove after me. Emma ran to catch up with me.

"Sirius, can I talk with you real fast?" Emma asked as we walked. I nodded and told her I had to talk with her as well. Before she started she paused by the staircase, and I heard a faint noise behind us.

"Sirius…"

"Hold on," I said looking about. The footsteps stopped. Emma rolled her eyes and for her sake I ignored the footsteps and focused on her.

"Peeves," I mumbled. "Em I wanted to apologize for yesterday…"

"No, you don't have to apologize; I'm the one to blame. I got mad at you when you had nothing to do with what happened with Lucius. You were trying to save me, and for that I thank you."

"Really? I mean…er…it was nothing," I replied. Emma laughed.

"So…we're...ah…on good terms about the whole…kiss thing…?" I asked. Emma nodded and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, and the party thing…?"

"Yes Sirius, we're still friends, its okay…" She replied. I smiled and told her to go ahead to class.

"I forgot my crystal ball cleaner," I joked. She laughed and told me she'd meet me in class. I back tracked and went to find the source of the footsteps. Like I thought, it was Lucius.

"Malfoy, what are you doing up here, shouldn't you be down in the dungeons looking for some little kid to attack?" I sneered. Lucius laughed at me. I kept my ground.

"Shouldn't you be in your corner crying because Emma kissed me instead of you?"

"Oh right…that…you mean when she kissed you because I told her to…just so I could stun you. Yeah I'm all heartbroken about it."

"What do you want anyway Black?" He asked trying to act all cool. I got up in his face my wand drawn.

"I want you to leave Emma alone, do you hear me? Quit stalking her in the hallway, and leave her be. If you don't I'll make it my business to hunt you down like an animal and make your life a living hell. Got it?" I said pushing him roughly out of my way. Then I went to class to clean crystal balls.


	10. Chapter 10

Footnotes

_Entry #10: December 20__th_

November came fast and left even faster than it had come. Now we had Christmas on our heels and the whole school was buzzing about it. Meanwhile James and Lily were starting to act a bit odd around each other.

"He's going to ask her out on Christmas Eve," Emma told Remus and I as the three of us went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Remus smiled and nodded as I shook my head. Why did she always know before me!?

"Well, it certainly explains a lot now doesn't it? But why did James tell you before he told me?"

"Because James is my brother and Lily is my best friend? I don't know, that might have something to do with it," Emma said jokingly. Ever since the huge fight back in November Emma and I have made it a point to be friends with each other, and we haven't mentioned any of the things that were said during the fight. This just made it easier for everyone. When the three of us sat down at the table Lily and James were already there. Lily was grinning like a fool.

"He asked me out early," She said. Emma smiled and gave her best friend a huge hug. Then she turned to her brother.

"If you dare break her heart James Potter I swear to god you will never be able to have children…"

"I won't I promise."

"Good," Emma said, her dark and evil side suddenly vanishing. "Did anyone else find it odd that I didn't get a wonderful daily letter from Dad yesterday?"

"A little but I mean it must have been a bit of a relief. Think about it Em, you are always taking care of him," I told her. Remus was too busy reading the paper to listen. Emma shrugged and looked over his shoulder and began to read out loud.

"An attack on a muggle building yesterday kills several wizards. Yesterday a muggle office building collapsed onto a small clinic associated with St. Mungo's and killed 10 wizards. The office building was attacked by Lord Voldemort and his followers, and we strongly advise everyone to keep an eye out for any strange activity," Emma read. She bit her lip and looked at James.

"Where did Dad take Baby for her pneumonia?" She asked. But before James could answer a letter fell in between the twins. Emma looked at it and gingerly picked it up, her hands shaking a little. She gazed at it and frowned and then passed it to James. He did the same thing and the twins got up and left. I picked up the note and read it.

_Please come to my office right away_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Remus and I exchanged worried looks as Lily read the letter. This was not good by any means. The twins didn't come to any of their classes for the rest of the day. They also didn't come to lunch or dinner either. We all decided we should bring them food. When we got to the common room Emma was curled up on the couch, her face hidden in a pillow. James was nowhere to be seen.

"Emma?" Lily said gently pushing her best friend's shoulder. Emma groaned but didn't move. Lily looked at me and tried again.

"What's wrong Emmy, please tell me?"

"Dad and Baby are…are…dead," Emma said sobbing. The room just fell around us when she said that. All three of us where just overcome with grief.

"Oh my god Emma, I'm so sorry," Lily said. The three of us sat down on the couch around her and Lily pulled her best friend into her.

"He had to be cheap and take her to the clinic, when he could have taken her to St. Mungo's or some stupid muggle hospital," Emma sobbed. James must have heard us come in because he came down, his face and eyes red. Emma lifted her head to look at him, her eyes red and swollen as well. He knelt on the floor in front of her and placed his head on her lap.

"We're orphans now, and even though I'm the youngest, I'm going to protect you. I know we're all going to protect each other. This, this group, this is our family now," James said. And he was so right.


	11. Chapter 11

Footnotes

_Entry #11: December 25__th_

Emma and James weren't at back at school until late Christmas Eve. And once they got back they went straight to bed. But the next morning they tried to be as normal as possible. Most of the kids had gone home for the break, so we basically had the entire school to ourselves. In fact we had the Gryffindor tower to ourselves. We got out our gifts and opened them in the common room. The twins went last and once Emma got her gift from Baby she tears up again. Attacked to her gift was a latter, that Emma read out loud.

"Dear Emmy, until now I didn't think writing to you would be important until I wrote this. I would have dad do it, but then I'd get in trouble for opening my Christmas present early. That's why I'm writing, to tell you how much I liked your gift. The one from James was good too, I guess, but he still didn't give me Sirius like I asked him too. That's all for now. I love you big sis, and send my love to James and Sirius and everyone else. Baby." As Emma read her voice was cracking under the strain she was using trying not to cry. She dabbed at her eyes and handed the letter to James and then opened her gift. It was a muggle book, a complete collection of Shakespeare plays. She then opened the next gift from her father. It was a necklace inside of a small box with a note on top. The note simply read, "_It's time you had this." _The necklace itself was a beautiful crystal dragonfly on a thin silver chain. Emma couldn't say anything. James leaned over and hugged her and so did Lily.

"My mother's necklace, he gave me mum's necklace, her favorite…," Emma trailed off and got up to be alone. We sat in silence all of us looking at our gifts: it seemed so immaculate now.

"It's so odd, this feeling inside me," James began. "It's like, a hollow log is walking in my body. Em and I are alone now, oh god, we're alone. Mom's death was so hard on Emma and now that Baby is gone…I fear for Emma. She's heartbroken." As he said it, he gazed after his sister. I got up, leaving everything behind to try and find her. I wandered the empty halls, calling her name softly. Finally I found her, curled in a window seat by the Room of Requirement.

"Em…"

"I can't believe that James is really all I have left of my family. Sure I have memories, but memories can't rock you to sleep, or hold your hand. They can't draw you pictures that you'll keep hidden and treasured…" Emma said crying softly. I sat down next to her and held her hand which she willingly allowed.

"When my father died of terminal cancer, I thought that my life was over. My dad was the only person who in my family understood me and made the others worth tolerating. It was so frustrating that something like cancer, that not even magic can fix, took out such a strong man. I was only six, and I lost my hero that year," I told her as she tried to hold in the tears. She looked at me, in a very odd way.

"I'm sorry, I never knew…"

"It's okay; it was a long time ago. I got over it and I know that in time you will too. Now let's go back to our family: I know they'll be waiting with open arms for us." 


	12. Chapter 12

Footnotes

_Entry #12: January 3__rd_

Break was over and classes began again; and as classes began so did the bombardment. People began asking the Potter twins all about the event and not leaving it alone. For the most part they handled it well and Emma was getting stronger.

"I still am not use to the whole 'no letters' thing. It's so abnormal."

"Ah, but what really is normal?" I asked in reply. Emma smiled and pointed her fork loaded with pancake at me with a nod of agreement.

"Touché my friend."

"Ugh, we have a test in Potions today," James groaned suddenly. Emma snorted as Peter jumped up like there was a tack in his seat to go get his text book.

"I hope we don't that whole Rune and bone reading thing in Divinations. That's duller than tea leaves," Emma complained as she angrily cut into her thick slice of bacon. I laughed in agreement as I finished copying an indigents list from James. Remus just turned a blind eye as I did. Breakfast otherwise seemed normal. The twins were moving on in their lives, which made all of us proud. The bell rang and Lily gave James a quick kiss before they went to class. Emma and I got up and went to Divinations. When we took our seats we noticed that the whole class was staring at Emma, all of their faces switching to looks of sympathy. Professor Teabag, as we called her, was only making matters worse.

"If only I had foreseen this coming!"

"No, its okay there wasn't anything anyone could have done," Emma replied. The deranged professor refused to give up as Emma tried to go back to reading her runes.

"No! I know I could have been of use to them I just know it!"

"Please Professor, let it go," I said cutting in. Emma shot me a look. I didn't reply.

"Oh think of the lives we can save on further on in the years if only I can get a future reading class started!"

"Isn't that what this class is?"

"Oh no dear, it's much much more than that! But this war…we must stop this war. Those poor people died to give us insight…a great insight…" Emma winced once she heard that. I stood up and face the crazed professor.

"That is _ENOUGH_! Can't you see she's hurting? Bringing it up over and over again is just going to make the wound deeper. Give her a break for Merlin's sake! All she really needs is a little bit of compassion, not reminders!"

"Mr. Black, that is quiet enough out of you. I advise you to go to the Headmaster's office; _now_," She snapped. I grabbed my stuff and left the class, not even looking behind me. I hoped I hadn't embarrassed Emma. I made my way slowly to Dumbledore's office smugly. He wouldn't punish me, I felt it, but he would talk to me that was for sure. I took a deep breath as I reached his door and paused before I knocked.

"Please come in," I heard him call. I did as I was told and stepped into the room closing the door behind me. Albus smiled at me.

"Well it's a pleasure to see you Mr. Black; unfortunately I feel we are here to discuss grave matters. Please have a seat."

"Yes sir," I replied. Albus nodded and took out a letter. I never could quiet get how teachers got the word to each other so fast. Almost as if Albus had read my mind he laughed.

"So I am under the impression that you yelled at Professor Trelawney, is that correct?" He asked me holding out a plate filled with lemon drops. I grabbed one and thanked him. As I ate it I grimaced.

"Well you know what the Potter's are going through right now, and the last thing they need is one of our Professor's making a scene about it in front of the class," I said politely. He nodded to himself and I could tell he was thinking deeply. He folded his hands in that "Albus" way and looked at me over his half moon spectacles.

"So you were merely standing up for Emma. And the class will back you up on your story?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well then, I will have a talk with Professor Trelawney. I know she'll understand. She gets so carried away with things sometimes…"

"That's it?" I said before I could stop myself. Albus laughed again.

"No punishment, no detention? No crystal ball cleaning, nothing at all?" I asked. Again, I got laughter. I shrugged and he dismissed me. Emma was waiting in Potions for me, a kind smile on her face.

"You didn't have to do that for me," She said. I shook my head as I sat down. Slughorn had started the class but we weren't paying attention.

"No, I did Em. She was just reopening the wounds that had just started to heal. It's never fun, I know."

"Is that what happened to you?" Slughorn passed us and checked our potions and of course, because of Emma, they were both spot on. Damn her and her multitasking. I didn't answer at first.

"Yeah when dad died, everyone made it worse. I couldn't be myself fully until I met you and James."

"Well, then apparently destiny is trying to tell you something," Emma replied. She seemed to be handling this far better than her brother at the current moment. I stopped what I was doing mid chop and stared at her.

"Then what do you think destiny is trying to tell you?"


	13. Chapter 13

Footnotes

_Entry #13: January 5__th_

I like Saturdays, because then I can do exactly what I feel like doing, no matter what that is. Saturdays were also days where we could go to Hogsmaid trips and right now the one that was looming nearer was all Lily and James could talk about. Remus and I were playing Wizard's chess while James and Lily sat on the couch next to us.

"Knight to E4."

"Do you think that the Three Broomsticks will have a special?" Lily asked. I watched in amusement as my knight obliterated Remus's bishop. He frowned as I scoffed.

"Ha ha ha sucker!!"

"Creep!" Emma yelled out the porthole almost in reply to what I had said to Remus. She stalked in the common room and threw herself on the arm of the chair Remus was sitting in. We all stared at her, completely confused.

"What's going on?"

"Well, from the looks of it Remus is losing," Emma replied avoiding the real question.

"No…well yea…but no that's not what I meant. I meant with you Emma. You look like you could kill," I said. She gazed at the board, not saying anything and then she whispered something in Remus's ear. He looked up at me and smiled the most evil smile Remus could muster and slowly called out his move. I wanted to cry.

"You are NOT allowed to help him!! And you still haven't answered me."

"Em, please," Lily said. Emma nodded and cleared her throat.

"It's Lucius, the creep has taken to stalking me again and today he cornered me. Then he told me that at a time like this, I needed a real man to help me get through it all. Then he pinned me to the wall and tired to pull one on me. Luckily he's an easy shot and I got him right in the balls and managed to get away," Emma said taking deep breathes to try and stay calm. Remus gave her a quick pat and she smiled and said she was fine.

"You know what, its okay. I'm fine, don't worry about it. All he wants is a reaction out of me." Emma told us. Then she whispered to Remus and gave Remus an other move, which killed my queen. I let out a gurgled cry as Remus laughed.

"Cheater!!" I said. Remus leaded over forward and pointed out the porthole where Emma had gone.

"Which is move is more important: losing or Emma?" He asked. I glared at him and got up and followed Emma, knowing I so had lost. I knew exactly where I was going to find Emma, she often went to the lake to think but since it was winter, she had to settle with the next best thing: a window. I found her right where I tough I would, the window seat where she gave after her welcome home party. She sat there, curled up in a ball, gazing out the window at the ice and snow. It was eerily beautiful. I heard her sigh heavily.

"I can't go on like this Padfoot; I just can't keep acting like everything is fine. Lucius was right, I can't do this alone. I know I have James, but he also has Lily there for him," Emma told me quietly. I didn't know what to do. I sat down next to her, and placed my hands on her knees. I really just wanted to know if he was okay. She waited for me to answer.

"Em, we're all here for you, you know that," I said. Again all I got was a sigh.

"Yeah but it's still not the same as what Lily and James have. James is still happy, the happiest I've seen him in a long time, despite the circumstances."

"Em…I…,"_ I really just didn't know what to tell her._ She turned away from the window and faced me, and I could tell she was close to tears. So I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

Footnotes

_Entry #14: January 17__th_

It had been twelve glorious and wonderful days since Emma and I started dating. It was the twelve best days of my life I felt like I was living in paradise and I never wanted to leave. James was kind of afraid about the whole thing until I came to him and asked his permission to date his sister. That and I brought up the fact that I was his best friend and he was dating Emma's best friend and he didn't ask Emma if he could date Lily. That shut him up. But after that James was really cool with it all and suddenly life was good.

"I hate Mondays," Emma said as we sat down for breakfast. I laughed and kissed her on the forehead as she sighed. As soon as word got out that we were dating Lucius began to give Emma so much crap. Other girls who thought I was going to date them also began to bother her in between classes and soon I was forced to take action into my own hands. After a few beatings and a couple of nights of detention with Hagrid people accepted our relationship.

"It's one more Monday that we have behind us before we're down with school," I replied. Emma just smiled and shook her head. For some time now we had noted that outside war activity had been oddly quiet and that made the older students and staff at Hogwarts kind of nervous. I've pushed it aside and tired to move on but still something didn't feel right. I had this feeling…like something was going to happen.

"Hey spaceman, are you going to class or are you gonna sit there all day?" Emma asked pulling on my hand. She sat down next to me again and laughed a smile on her face. The bell had rung and students were starting to go to class.

"Sorry I got lost in thought," I replied.

"Better watch it Em," Lily joked winking at us. I got up and took Emma's hand gladly leading her to Divinations. She squeezed me hand as we walked and I raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed and stopped. Students milled past us half asleep. She went up on her tiptoes and kissed my forehead. I continued to stare at her, a half smile on my face.

"I don't want to lose you, ever," She said. And then she grabbed my hand and tried to drag me behind her to class. I pulled her back and held her in my arms briefly kissing her on the lips.

"And it would kill me to lose you," I whispered to her. She smiled back at me and we started walking to class again. Now, the only thing that mattered to me was Emma and her safety. I couldn't keep the smile off my face as we took our seats. Professor Trelawney began the instruction and I got the idea to be funny and whisper things in Emma's ear.

"Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven?"

"Shh…Sirius, we're learning something new today," She said pushing my face away. I could see a small glimmer of a smile on her face as she did it though. I smirked. I watched as she kept her focus on our whacked professor a look of concentration on her face: that look was half the reason I was so crazy about her.

"Are you tired?"

"A little…yea,"

"Because you've been running through my mind all day," I told her. I got a smirk out of that one but no giggle. She continued to take notes, ignoring my attempts to make her laugh. I tired one more time.

"My life is like a broken quill without you, it's completely pointless," I whispered. That one got a giggle. She looked at me that sparkle in her eyes as she tried her hardest not to laugh. I gave it one more shot.

"I like your clothes…"

"It's my school robe Sirius," She said looking away from me again.

"But they'd look better on my floor." Emma's face fell, and I started to apologize. All eyes were on the front of the room and I wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Sirius!" Emma hissed as I continued to try to make things better. I finally took my eyes off of Emma and looked at Professor Trelawney and I gasped. The professor was sitting in her chair, her eyes rolled up in the back of her head, only the whites of her eyes showing. The crystal ball that always sat on her desk was glowing like there were a thousand fire flies inside of it. No one said anything.

"They're coming…" Trelawney said in a deep a creepy voice that was so not her own voice. Emma got to her feet and ran to the window gazing out of it intensely. I noticed Emma was shaking all over. Nobody moved yet, everyone was too afraid.

"They're coming they're coming they're coming!!" Screams came from the class and Emma stood on the desk and yelled for silence, trying to calm everyone down.

"Longbottom, Alice, go and tell the other teachers that we need to get the younger kids into their common rooms. Same with you three, now get going. Sirius, you're coming with me, and the rest of you get ready to fight, the school is under attack," Emma shouted. I grabbed her hand and helped her off the desk and we took off at a sprint to he Headmaster's office. He was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for us.

"Help me gather the older students in the Great Hall," He said. We nodded and ran again, even though both of us were out of breath. First we went to Professor McGonagall's room to collect her students. When we burst in she stood there aghast and the class froze, confused. From the look Lily and Remus were giving us I could tell that they just got why we were so worried.

"We need everyone to go to the Great Hall, Headmaster's orders," Emma said panting. Everyone got up and did as they were told. Lily and Remus rushed to our sides and Lily grabbed Emma's had, afraid.

"What's going on?" Lily asked. Emma quickly explained to her while I told Remus what happened in Divinations class. Suddenly Emma stopped and looked about.

"Lil where's my brother?"

"I don't know…"

"I'll find him," I replied sensing the worry in Emma and Lily's voices. I quickly gave Emma a kiss and ran off to find my best friend. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Remus took the girls to the Great Hall. As I ran past the people flocking to the Great Hall I eyed the crowd but I saw no sign of my best friend. I pushed my way up to the Gryffindor Tower frantically still looking for James. I checked everywhere, but as I ran past an empty hall way I thought I spied that familiar unkempt jet black head of hair. He was just standing there in front of a small window gazing out at the forest beyond him. There I saw swarms of Dementors and Giants making their way towards the grounds.

"Oh Merlin…" I gasped unable to keep it in. James still hadn't said, or moved, all he did was stare and I found this quite odd. I grabbed his arm and began to drag him down the stairs to go fight with the others.

"Where are we going?" He finally asked. I yanked him down another flight of stairs before I answered him. I was a little mad that he hadn't stayed with Lily or thought to make sure Emma was okay. She was worried sick about him…

"We're meeting up with the others. What were you doing standing there?"

"I…I don't remember…" James replied as we reached the main landing. With his free hand he starched his head looking lost. I pulled him along the now empty halls trying to get to the Great Hall before everyone left to fight. I was too late; they had already begun the battle as the monsters got closer to the grounds.

"Oh shit James! We have to get out there!!"

"What's going on?" James said. I stared at him in pure disbelief. _How could he not know?_

"We're under attack."

"_**We are?!**_" James exclaimed. I took him to the hospital wing. Something was wrong and I was not the person to figure out what it was. After I dropped him off, leaving him still very confused, I raced down to the grounds to find Emma. When I got to the front doors and I pushed them open I felt like I was moving in slow motion as my haste drove me to protect Emma. Once I got the doors to swing open and I saw what was before me I stopped dead in my tracks. The 5th years through the 7th years were all standing in rows in front of the forest, wands drawn and at the ready. The giants were getting closer. Dumbledore stood in front of everyone, Fawkes the Phoenix on his shoulder. I was still frozen in place at the doorstep of the school watching the odd scene play out before me. Dumbledore nodded at Fawkes and together they cast a huge fire blocking the path. Then the students began casting spells into the fire making it grow. I watched as some of the foes were consumed in the flame, and as others fled in fear. Dumbledore turned toward the students a curious expression on his face. I ran towards the front, knowing that Emma would be there up close and personal with all the action. Staff members were coming out of the school and taming the flames that light the gloomy day. Soon, no doubt, the Ministry of Magic would be here.

"Emma!" I called over the commotion trying desperately to find her. I spotted Remus and Lily but Emma wasn't with them.

"Where's Emma?" I asked them. As the words left my mouth I felt something bump into me and I could feel arms wrapping around my waist. I twisted a little to see that it was Emma, holding on to me tight.

"Em, what's wrong?" I asked her. She was crying a little.

"I thought I had lost you. I couldn't find you anywhere!" she said letting go. I placed my hand on her soft cheek and she weakly smiled.

"You aren't going to lose me okay? Now come on, we need to check up on your brother."


	15. Chapter 15

Footnotes

_Entry #15: January 18__th_

Yesterday was interesting. After the attack we were not allowed on the grounds without an escort and teachers were jumpy. James was sleeping when we went to go check on him so we were told to come back later when he was awake.

"James wasn't himself; he was like a zombie…"

"Zombie's only exist in muggle horror films Mr. Black," Albus reminded me. I sighed and continued explain.

"He wasn't all there. He didn't say anything at all he was…sleep walking almost. And then he sort of woke up and didn't know what was going on," I told the Headmaster. He nodded and stroked his long graying beard, taking in what I told him.

"I believe that Mr. Potter was placed under the Imperious Curse to create some sort of distraction to help out with the attack. Of course, Mr. Potter fought well and he was able to stand in one spot away from where the attacker wanted him. This means that the attacks are coming from the inside of the school and someone is feeding Voldemort information about the school so he can take down Hogwarts. If you have any idea who might have done this please let me know," Albus told me. I got up and nodded as he excused me. Then I went to go join Emma and the others in the Hospital Wing. James was awake now and would be dismissed at lunch but for now they were keeping a close eye on him.

"Hey mate, how you holding up?"

"I'm still a little fuzzy. Were we really under attack?"

"Yeah we were," Emma replied. She was still slightly shaken up about the attack and I honestly can say I didn't blame her. Lily sat on the bed next to James holding her boyfriend's hand.

"It's going to be oaky Emma," James told his older sister. She shook her head and let go of me to quickly go hold her twin's hand.

"Not until whoever did this to you gets what's coming to him," Emma replied.

"You don't have to do that," James told her shaking his head this time. I placed my hands on her shoulders, gently letting her know I was there. She turned and gazed up at me a look of gratitude on her face.

"Yes we do. If anyone messes with any of my friends they're going to pay for it," I said to James. He nodded knowing he wasn't going to win this one. Emma got up and gave me a quick kiss before she took a walk to clear her head. I wanted to know what James remembered.

"It's really all very unclear to me. I don't remember who's who…all I vaguely remember seeing is a face….Lucius?" James said feebly nodding, and completely unsure. Remus and I glanced at each other; both of us were thinking the same thing. We have to talk to Albus later on and inform him. James was then suddenly attack by Madam Pomfery and the rest of us were told to go, so we went to look for Emma.

"I saw her go into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom," Molly told us when we got to the common room. Lily of course knew right away something was up.

"Emma hates Moaning Myrtle, why on earth would she go into her bathroom?" Lily asked as we made our way down the staircase. I was starting to get a little worried about Emma. What could possibly be going on? When we got to the bathroom we could hear voices. Carefully we listened.

"I'm a Death Eater now, the Dark Lord even gave me his mark," the faint voice of Lucius could be heard. There was a long pause.

"So he had you try to use my brother to create a distraction for the attack on the school?"

"Yes, but he was too strong. I know I should have used you," Lucius said in his evil drawl. My hands curled into fists and Remus had to hold me back until we heard a loud slap echo from the bathroom. Remus and I nodded at each other and burst in the door. Emma was sitting on the floor with her back against the sinks and Lucius was sitting in front of her. He had this dazed look on his face and Emma's hand was raised. When we came in she looked up a frown plastered to her face. I rushed over to her side.

"Em, what's the matter? What are you doing?"

"I used Vertisyrum on Lucius to find out if he used the Imperious Curse on James. Of course he did do it; I'm just trying to figure out why."

"You probably only had to tell him if he drank it you'd tell him how you really felt about him," Lily joked as she kneeled on the other side of Emma. Remus even laughed at this.

"I didn't how he was so gullible!" I replied.

"You also probably didn't know I have a tiny…." Emma hit Lucius again to shut him up.

"You didn't have to take such drastic measures to find out who did this to your brother Em."

"No, I did. James is all I have left of my family and I can't lose him. I vowed I would punish whoever did this to him…"

"You can spank me…" Lucius interrupted again. Emma only rolled her eyes this time. Lily eyed Lucius with a look of pure loathing.

"We could always do some things to him…"James said walking in. Emma beat Lily to him, almost knocking him over with the force of her hug. After the twins hugged for a bit Lily got hers and a couple of kisses as well. I got up and wrapped my arms around Emma feeling her face against my chest.

"It's okay Emma; he'll get what he deserves even if it takes a year or two it'll happen. He'll get it don't worry," I told her. She nodded and squeezed me a little as a sign she understood.

"Let's go tell Professor Dumbledore we know who the culprit is."


	16. Chapter 16

Footnotes

_Entry #16: February 24th _

It had been more than a month since Lucius was given detention for using James, but Emma was still feeling down, no matter what any of us did to cheer her up.

"Everything is fine now Emmy, Lucius isn't going to do it again."

"That's where you're wrong, he's Voldemort's servant now, nothing is going to stop him from begin as loyal as he possibly can. Who knows when he'll strike again," Emma said shaking her head. She was lying with her head in my lap and I stroked her hair trying to calm her down. It was Sunday and we should have been doing homework but none of us felt like it. I let all the air of my lungs in a heavy sigh trying to find the words to help my girlfriend feel better. Finally I just leaned forward and kissed her head.

"I'll be right back okay?" I told her sweetly. She nodded weakly and let me up. I passed the message along and then went straight to the Headmaster's office. On my way there I bumped into Professor McGonagall.

"May I ask where you are going Mr. Black?"

"I was on my way to see Professor Dumbledore ma'am," I told her stopping to talk with her. She informed me that Albus was in a meeting and wouldn't be out till dinner. I explained to her why I needed to see him and she just pursed her thin lips.

"You'd better come with me," She said nodding. I did as I was told and followed her up to the Headmaster's office. Once we got to the door she knocked and then pushed it open revealing a ton of heads that turned to look at us as we walked. I recognized most of the teachers and several Aurors from the Ministry of Magic. They all had very grim looks on their faces. I tried to not make a noise as I took my seat beside Albus.

"Welcome Sirius, to the Order of the Phoenix."

"The Order of the Phoenix?" I asked. Professor McGonagall nodded. Dumbledore cleared his throat and stood up. All eyes fell on him.

"The Order of the Phoenix is designed to protect those of us who need it. Like Voldemort and his Death Eaters the opposing side needs someone to provide help and to fight back."

"So we're like crime fighters?" I blurted. Moody laughed roughly. I always was afraid of the twins' godfather.

"Young Mr. Black, we are far more than 'crime fighters'. We are keeping the Wizarding World safe," He barked. Everyone nodded.

"Where do I sign up?" I asked. This only got more laughter from Moody. Albus got up again and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"It's a good thing you came today because we were just talking about expanding the Order."

"I think you should, because the whole reason I'm here is to find a way to keep my friends safe. We're about to enter the real world and there's talk of a war starting and I want to be able to fight for the ones I love," I replied. Many heads (photograph or not) nodded in response to my comment. Albus merely smiled.

"And that's how the Order came to be. We'll be having a meeting next week. Please feel free to bring anyone interested," he told me. I nodded and left. I was so happy that I ran back to the common room.

"Em, we've got our answer, we can fight now!" I called as I pushed open the porthole. I noticed it was quiet and that no one was talking. I ran to the fireplace where everyone was crowded around Emma.

"What is it?"

"Her epilepsy came back and we're pretty sure her cancer did too," Remus whispered solemnly. I just stood there shell shocked. This can't be! It's not suppose to be this way! What are we going to do?


	17. Chapter 17

Footnotes

_Entry #17: March 13__th_

Emma's cancer had indeed gone into remission and to help St. Mungo's sent over a new potion they were working to help effectively get rid of cancer for good. It was different than most, because instead of drinking it, it was injected into the blood stream daily. So every morning I helped give Emma her treatment in the Hospital Wing before we went to breakfast.

"Thanks Padfoot, for being here for me," Emma whispered to me one day as we walked to Potions class. I nodded and kissed her forehead a soft smile on my face. She squeezed my hand as we took our seats and class began. I couldn't wait for it to be lunch already; I was so getting sick of school work. Then again so were all the other 7th years, it was catching like wildfire. Everyone except Emma and Remus wanted to get out of here. The two continued working on stuff for the Order and kept their concerns on the movement of Voldemort and not of what the school was doing. Today, Emma was compiling a list of new meeting places for the Order while we worked on a very interesting potion that gave a person vampire like abilities for up to an hour. Of course she multitasked perfectly.

"You disgust me sometimes, I hope you know this," I said. "But I mean it in the most loving way possible." I quickly added when she frowned. She wasn't even paying attention as I began to gingerly chop what looked like celery (but I knew for sure it was far far worse). As I tipped the gross stuff into my potion I watched as it started to glow.

"Oh get over it," She joked still writing. I noticed hers wasn't glowing and I panicked thinking I did something wrong.

"Why isn't yours glowing…did I…I…mess up? Why won't it stop glowing?!" I asked getting even more worried I had done something wrong. Nonchalantly she dumped her roots into her cauldron and it started to glow. I let out a sigh. Emma then shot me a look and I pretended to be studying her list.

"You know, Grimmuald Place is empty, sorta. Once Regulas is done with school I'm kicking him out because I don't want anything to do with him or his stupid dark powers. SO we could always just have meetings there…" I told her changing the subject. This got her mind off of me and my freaking potion and her eyes lit up. She moved to give me a quick kiss when Slughorn came by to check our Potions.

"Very good Mr. Black, let me guess, you were cheating off of Miss Potter like usual…"

"Actually sir, Sirius is quite a bit ahead of me, I've been busy…"

"Trying to snog your boyfriend in my class, yes I see that. Please just wait till after the bell rings I think you can go that long without smothering each other," He said walking past. Emma blushed and I tried not to laugh. I still got hit. Once the bell rang and we were dismissed Emma began telling me about her list of places.

"I have a great list of places to meet for the Order…"

"It's always the Order with you; can't it be about me for once?" I joked kissing her on the lips. She kissed back lightly, but I could tell I had said something wrong.

"Em, I'm sorry I was just teasing, honest."

"No Sirius, it's okay, I know you were merely joking," she replied. "Really, it's okay." She then gave me a big kiss before we went to lunch. At lunch she was quiet and hardly talked, but insisted she was fine when I asked her what was wrong. She still seemed slightly off as we parted for afternoon classes. I didn't say anything to anyone else as the day went on and soon dinner had past. Emma was talking over the list with Albus and James and Lily were cuddling. Remus was doing homework so that left me by myself. I decided to call it a night early and went up to my room. There on my bed was a letter addressed to me.

_Dear Sirius,_

_The three past months have been some of the best in my whole life, and I know that somewhere in there, I fell in love with you. But with my cancer coming back I've started to realize my life might be one that isn't as long as others. This being said I'm afraid I have to say goodbye. I love you too much to put you through the suffering and pain of losing me if I am to die early. I'm sorry we can't work this out, and I wish you have a great life without me. Again, I'm sorry, I really am. I love you, with all of my heart. _

_Emma_

The din from downstairs became faint almost as if they all knew I was reading this awful letter. I glanced up from the letter, shock running through me right as Remus walked in. He knew something was up and he came over to where I was sitting on my bed.

"Padfoot, Padfoot? Sirius, what is it?" I could only hand him the letter. He read it fast and then gave me a pat on the shoulder and left; no doubt going to talk to Emma.

"I can't believe it's over…" I said to myself. I let the letter fall to the floor and I crawled into bed, all of my clothes still on. I laid there awake thinking the whole time :_ why did she have to say goodbye?_


	18. Chapter 18

Footnotes

_Entry #18: March 14th_

I didn't sleep well, and even though it was a weekend I couldn't sleep in. My mind was racing with thoughts, like the N.E., Emma, the Order, Emma, what was going to happen after school, Emma, was there going to be a war, Emma, and how was I ever going to be able to even look at her again? These drove me to near insanity.

"Come Sirius get up and talk to her!" James said urging me to get out of bed. I rolled over and found myself facing Remus. I sighed and rolled on to my back so I was looking at the top of the canopy. That didn't work either; they hovered over me watching. Finally I clamped my pillow down over my face.

"Padfoot, you really need to talk to her about this. It isn't going to go away like some vanishing spell," Remus said prying the pillow from my hands. I groaned as the two of them hauled me out of the safety of my bed. I stood there fighting them and then finally gave up and reluctantly got dressed sitting on the edge of my bed.

"She was the best thing that ever happened to me," I moped. James patted my shoulder.

"Then that's proof you have to fight for it huh?" He said. I nodded and got to my feet. Remus had left us and gone down to talk to Emma. I could hear them as I tried to will myself to go down there.

"But Remmy, I don't know how much longer I'll live!"

"So, you still care about him don't you?" there was a pause.

"Yes, more than anything in this world, but deserves better!" She said. I paused on the step wondering if I dare make my presence known or keep listening when James hissed loudly,

"Padfoot, what are you waiting for?! Talk to her…NOW!" I rolled my eyes at him and gave him the finger before I stepped out into the common room to talk to Emma. When I got there she was on her feet and I tried to smile but my face wouldn't work right. Her words filled my head again. _I have to do this myself…_

"May I have a word with you? Please?" I asked her, trying hard not to sound like I how I felt: numb on the inside. She nodded and we went out to the corridor to talk. And as we started talking we began walking.

"I'm sorry for asking right off the bat, but I have to know: why would you let go of something that was so amazing and meant so much to you?" I asked as we slowly walked along the corridor. Emma half smiled at first, but then she frowned. And I watched as her frown only continued to get deeper.

"I've realized that I was meant to be alone and that I wasn't suppose to live a long time and even though it hurts, it's what I have to do."

"Did Dumbledore ever tell you about his good friend Nicolas Flemmel?"

"No, he's the inventor of the Soccer's Stone right?"

"Yes and Nicolas was dying of cancer when they began researching about how to make the stone. It took them 10 years and by the time the stone was complete, his cancer was in full remission, before he even had time to even think of using the stone," I told Emma. She shook her head at me.

"But he had the stone as a backup, I don't. And this is the second time it's come back!" Emma said trying not to cry.

"It wasn't the stone or the thought of the stone; it was that Flemmel was surrounded by people who loved him. Em, you don't have to do this alone, we are all here for you; I'm here for you," I said taking her hand and squeezing it. She squeezed it back a few tears falling from her eyes.

"I can't do this to you Sirius, because I love you," she let go and began to walk away.

"Just like that, you're going to give up? What happened to the Emma who would have stood proudly and fought?! Did she give up on life too?" Emma let out a hiss of rage and spun on her heels to face me again. Her arm was raised ready to strike me.

"You don't know how it feels to be dying on the inside and be unable to do anything about it!"

"Yes I do!! Because I've been there holding your hand throughout this entire time. When you would cry yourself to sleep at night, I would cry because I knew there was nothing I could do to cheer you up. Whenever you were happy I was overjoyed to see your smile and hear you laugh. Emma, I love you too, and I don't want to lose you, but I guess if that's what you really want then there's no stopping you. As much as it hurts, I'll say goodbye because I'm not saying goodbye to you more than more once," I said as walked away. There was a sniffle from behind me but I didn't turn around to look at her. If this is what she wanted then who was I to question that?

"Sirius, wait…" She began. I stopped and waited for her to continue. She wrapped her arms around me and sighed.

"I'm so scared of dying without ever having all those things a girl wants. I just want to live."

"Then live, and let me help you live well. I'll try to give you everything that I possibly can as long as you give me a chance, because all I want is to live with you by my side," I told her cupping her face in my hands. She was crying again and I kissed away a few of the tears that ran down her face.

"I will always love you Emma, you're my everything, and the only one who can break my heart into tiny pieces."

"Well be better hope that my clumsiness doesn't get in the way of that," She joked kissing me. I smiled. As we walked back to the common room she looked at me with that look on her face.

"I'm glad I fell."

"I'm glad I was there to catch you."


	19. Chapter 19

Footnotes

_Entry #19: June 1st_

School flew past since Emma and I got back together and now it was time to see if we had passed on our N.E.W.T.s or not. Emma managed to fight her cancer off again, study and do stuff for the Order, not to mention taking time off to spend with me. Our inside joke was that I was dating an inhuman super-begin.

"Merlin, I hate this whole waiting thing! Can't they get them any faster?" James complained as Lily rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. Emma was busy writing something and she wouldn't let me see what it was. Instead I talked to Remus about future plans.

"I don't really know, I mean, and besides helping the Order what can a werewolf do?" He asked. I shrugged, blocking the mental image of Remus sniffing out Voldemort's hide out. James and I think too much alike and when he began to laugh I knew right away he had the same thought I did. Remus jinxed his bacon as revenge when James wasn't looking. Now, it was going to bite _him _back this time. As James gave a loud yelp Emma looked up from her paper confused and missing everything that had just happened.

"What just happened?"

"It's nothing don't worry about it," I replied and she gave me a look and I sighed.

"You're brother said something stupid again, need I say more?" I asked as James tried to hit me and missed spilling juice on the table. She laughed and smiled and gave me a quick kiss. Finally the mail arrived. As James threw up his hands we all ducked afraid something else was going to spill. Our scores all came individually to us, except the twins, and Emma was a faster catch than James so she got to see first.

"No fair Em!" James complained as his sister began reading his score out loud for us. I laughed and my best friend gave me a look. I gave him Emma's for simple pay back and as he began to read hers aloud we all gasped.

"Merlin Em, you got a perfect score!" Lily said as she read the rest over James's shoulder. I looked at her and gave her a huge hug and a kiss and she just shrugged like it was no big deal. Then she handed me what it was she was writing.

"You're not breaking up with me again are you?" She laughed and shook her head in mock shock. Today was the best day of school and it wasn't because it was the last. I began to read the note as Dumbledore got up to give his end of the year speech before he let us go pack.

_Sirius,_

_I love you, and I'm sorry that because of my sickness I tried to push you away. I never figured something this good would happen to me so when it did I assumed something was going to happen and then made it happen so I could find an excuse to save myself some pain. Worked out great didn't it? I feel like I'm rambling, but I just wanted you to know how great you are too me. Here's to us, and a great life from now on. _

_Your one and only, _

_Emma _

"Have a good summer," Dumbledore said. I looked up and blinked. Ooops guessed I missed the speech. Emma glared jokingly at me. We all got up to go finish what we had to do for packing and as we walked we all linked arms and blocked off part of the hallway. When we got to the stairs we broke apart all of us red from laughing and as Emma began to go up the stairs I grabbed her and pulled her back kissing her.

"You read for the rest of our lives?" And she nodded happily. James yelled at us to hurry up and I raced her up the stairs, toward the smiling and laughing faces of our friends. There was no doubt in my mind that this was going to be how it was for the rest of our lives.


	20. Chapter 20

Footnotes

_Entry #20: June 27__th_

It had been 26 days since our Hogwarts life ended, and even though we weren't going back, we kept in contact with the Order. Emma, James, Lily and I were all living in the spacious Potter house, and we did our best to fill the house up with as much sunshine as possible. There was always laughter and we'd all stay up late and wake up even later the next morning. Most days were spent outside in the garden. Summer was perfect. One morning bright sunny morning I got up a little earlier than normal to talk to James about something every important.

"Hey can I ask you something?"

"What's up mate?"

"Well I…" I cleared my throat as he took a swig of OJ, his new favorite morning drink. He waited for me to continue.

"I want to ask Emma to marry me, but I want to ask you for her hand in marriage….," I trialed off. James almost choked and suddenly I felt like this was a very bad idea. I waited as he coughed out all the orange juice out of his lungs before answering.

"Wow…er…yeah….of course, you didn't have to come to me to ask, I would have let you go ahead and just ask her. But do you think it's a good idea so soon?"

"I don't know how much time left we all have with her and what time we do have I want her to be my wife, not just my girlfriend," I explained to James. We were told that Emma's cancer shouldn't give her anymore problems, but we should be attentive to it in case it flared or was secretly working in her body to kill her. James nodded his head, and walked around the kitchen island and gave me a hug. I hugged him back, relieved.

"Go get her tiger," He told me grinning. Just then Emma came down the stairs dressed in a little sundress and her hair pulled up just so. I spun on my stool and gave her a smile as she came up to me and gave me a quick kiss.

"Ready?"

"Of course!" She replied. I grabbed her hand and we walked out into the garden. James winked at me.

"So where are we going, or can you not tell me that?" Emma asked about the surprise morning date I had planned. We walked out on to the street as I shook my head. Then Emma's eyes lit up as she saw that a head of us was a horse drawn buggy. She let out a squeal of excitement. We got in and the driver took us to a little place where I had breakfast set up.

"Sirius, you didn't have to do all of this for me…"

"But I wanted to Emma, that's the whole point," I told her. The carriage came to a stop and I helped her out. She laughed as I spun her about and I couldn't keep the grin off of my face.

"I love you Sirius," she said a giggle still rising from her throat.

"And I love you too Emma, and I always will," I told her covering her eyes, so I could lead her to the secret spot I had set up.

"No peaking now…"

"I'm not!"

"You lair," I teased her. She laughed again and pulled my hand away from her eyes as we stopped. It was a small grassy spot next to a tiny flowing creek that was shaded from a giant willow tree. Wild flowers littered the banks. We sat down and I let out a sigh, better get it over with.

"Emma, I've been meaning to ask you something. It hasn't been that long since we've been together, but I know that we are meant to last. And I know you know that. We've got our whole lived a head of us, and we have no idea how it's all going to play out. Will we lose the war, or win the war? That day that the school was attacked, I was so afraid I was going to lose you so I promised myself that I wasn't ever going to let it happen. Emma Joanne Potter, will you marry me?" I asked getting down on one knee. Emma's eyes filled with tears as they grew wide in shock. Slowly she shook her head 'no'.

"Why not? And give me an honest reason this time!" I begged her. She let out a sigh.

"Sirius, if this war doesn't kill me, than my cancer will…"

"I don't care about that! If one of us dies, I want to be a married couple, not just dating and living together. I want to write on my headstone 'loving husband and father' wouldn't you like to do the same sort of thing?" I asked her, trying to stay as calm as I possibly could. I hid the fact that anger was slowly building up inside of me, or was that tears trying to break lose? It didn't matter. Emma nodded a little.

"I just hate that I did this to you…"

"You're my everything, there isn't anything on this good given earth that doesn't remind me of you. I hear the thunder roar and think of how you love rainstorms, or hear the birds sing and think of how you sing back to them. Em, you are my life and I only intend to say goodbye to you once; as my wife," I told her squeezing her hand. She was crying a little still, so I gently kiss the back of her hand.

"So what do you say? Will you marry me anyway?" She let out a weak laugh and threw her arms around my shoulders a wide grin on her face.

"I'd marry you a million times over if I have too."


	21. Chapter 21

Footnotes

_Entry #21: September 7__th_

We only had two and a half months to plan the wedding, but that's how we wanted it and how given circumstances made it. Small, short and simple. With the war getting worse and worse each day we had to make some serious security measures so our guest could keep their heads on their shoulders.

"Good morning, how does it feel to know that these are your final hours as my boyfriend?" Emma asked flouncing into the kitchen. She smiled radiantly and kissed my check before sitting down next to me. I looked up from my _Daily Prophet_ and smiled back.

"It's a little nerve wracking I won't lie, but I'm excited all the same," I replied as I folded the newspaper and placed it face down on the table. James came in the kitchen and gave his sister a big hug and served her breakfast before he sat down.

"I'm making sure you hardly have to lift a finger today," He told her. Emma jumped out of her chair absolutely beaming and gave him another hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks James!" Lily then joined the crowd and Emma's emotions did a one eighty as her eyes prickled with tears a little. James and I exchanged looks as the girls hugged it out and then got on with breakfast. Oddly enough breakfast was quite and as soon as the girls finished eating they went straight upstairs to go do Emma's hair.

"We should maybe get ready before everyone gets here," James said. I nodded in agreement. Emma and I had decided it was safest to get married at the house not only because it'd be safer but because Emma said her mum was married her too and she wanted to do the same. The Ministry of Magic covered us with some simple screening spells to make it look as though it was an average day at the Potter house. Getting ready didn't take too long and soon Remus and the others showed up to help James and I get everything set up for the ceremony. Then the guest began to arrive and I began to get nervous.

"Relax Padfoot, everything is going to be fine," James assured me giving me a pat on the back. I looked at my feet and took a deep breath.

"Of course it is…" I said shakily.

"Why are you so overwhelmed about this whole thing? You love Emma don't you?" James whispered to me as we stood by the alter waiting…just waiting…

"With all my heart, but you see, you sister has this habit of telling me 'no' every time I profess my undying love for her. So you can see why I'm afraid I'm going to end up at the altar all alone!" I snapped back. Before James could answer with a comeback Emma's cue music began to play. All heads whipped around as Emma stepped out of the house and walked down the aisle of flower petals. My jaw dropped open as the crowd awed at her. She was stunning, her dress the same one her mother wore, but it looked brand new, and shimmered as she walked, like she was walking on moonlight. I was so captivated I didn't even notice that the priest had begun to speak.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of this man and this woman in holy matrimony," He said in his deep voice. I was dreaming of our future together so much so that I almost forgot to say my vows.

"Emma, my beautiful Emmy, ever since the day I met you I had always been touched by how caring and compassionate you are. You thrive to make sure that others are alright, before you even take time to worry about yourself. Even before we starting dating I wanted to make it be my job to protect you and take care of you for a change. So from now on, I'm putting you first," I vowed. Lily and Tonks were in the front row crying. Emma smiled, but I saw a tiny tear in her eyes.

"Sirius," She began. She smiled and shook her head almost as if she were laughing to herself. "My dear sweet Sirius Roger Black, I can't even think of a moment when I haven't been in love with you. Your jokes always lift bad moods and make bad days a little brighter, your faith in other people is astonishing and your love for me is something I wish I hadn't taken for granted once. I say this because everything about you is perfect for me, in every little perfect way. You were always there when I needed someone to help me be strong, even when I didn't even have the strength in me. You always made me laugh at the right time; make me smile when I thought the world was going to end. My life without you would have been dreadfully empty, and I am never going back to that," Emma said, the tear that was threatening to escape rolled down her cheek and I gently wiped it away as more sniffled broke out in the audience.

"I take thee, Sirius Black, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Through the good times and in bad, through sickness and in health and till death do us part."

"And I do take thee Emma Potter to be my lawfully wedded wife. Through the good times and in bad, through sickness and in health and till death do us part," I copied. We then exchanged the rings and the priest said those magic words.

"I now pronounce you man and wife, you my kiss your bride." I pulled Emma to me, pulled up her veil, then tilted her back and kissed her. The crowd went wild.

At the reception we were greeted by both hugs and kisses from everyone and Emma and I both couldn't keep the smiles from being plastered to our faces. We had a small dance floor for people to dance on and most of us spent the entire night dancing and laughing till our sides spilt. When the night was over Lily, Remus, James, Emma, Tonks and I all collapsed on the couch completely exhausted.

"Good party guys, thanks for getting married," James joked panting. I laughed causing my side to hurt again but Emma didn't say anything. I glanced over at and had saw that she had fallen asleep, still in her wedding gown, her shoes in her hands. We all chuckled a little at the sight of it.

"Huh, talk about a party pooper," Remus said as I got up and gently pulled the shoes from her hand, and took the veil out of her hair.

"Looks like you won't be getting any of the wedding night action bud," James said winking and elbowing me. I gave him the finger and laughed before I picked Emma up and the bid the others good night. I laid Emma down on our bed and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight and sleep tight Emma Black," I whispered before turning out the lights.


	22. Chapter 22

_Entry #22: January 4__th_

In the four months that have passed things have gotten worse, far worse I'm afraid. It's not Emma that's gotten worse, thank god, just the war. Attacks are breaking out constantly about London and other parts of England. The Order has it hands full dealing with it all. Some of the female members like Emma and Molly, who is a Weasley now, are pregnant and unable to help in the field. Luckily they were able to help out at St. Mungo's healing some of the wounded from the attacks.

One morning as we were leaving for work Mad Eye Moody's head popped into our fireplace. Since the war had started he had lost a chunk of his nose and one of his eyes. That's why he was call 'Mad Eye' now, because he had a giant electric blue eye spinning in its socket in place of the old one.

"James, Sirius Lily, we need you...now! The bridge out by Hogsmaid is under attack," He said in his rough and gravelly voice. We all got up and that left Emma alone at the table. She didn't move, she just looked down at her plate, that look of disappointment that I knew all too well on her face. I snagged a couple more pieces of toast and kissed my wife on the forehead.

"I'll be back, alright? Don't worry," I told her. She nodded. "I love you."

"Love you too…" She whispered back at me. Then I bolted for the door.

"Poor Emmy, she looked so sad when we left," James said.

"It's because she has to sit out on the sidelines and wait for us all to return in one piece. I know that she realizes since she's pregnant we can't risk her begin out there, but she misses the days where she got in on the action too," I replied as we walked into Moody's office. There Remus was waiting for us.

"Where's Emma?" He asked.

"It's her day off, and they are advising her to take it, since we've already had complications with the pregnancy and everything."

"And the baby?"

"Doing very well now, we have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and we find out the sex of the baby," I told him. After a bit of chit chat we got the low down on what was going on and headed to the transportation room to take a Portkey to the battle.

"Remember, if you can help it, capture the Death Eaters and only kill if you have too," Mad Eye said.

"Only to have the ministry give them a big kiss later…" Remus mumbled. Lily gave a huge shudder and James reached for her hand to reassure her. We took the Portkey to a location close to the battle field and met up with Arthur Weasley there.

"Glad you all made it, we sure needed the help," He told us. "They need you down by the southwest side, over that way." He pointed to where beams of light could be seen darting across the morning sky. The four of us nodded and we jogged off to battle. At first it looked a bit hopeless; black cloaks everywhere and hardly any of our people to be seen. Alice and Frank Longbottom were dodging spells close by and I could see Kingsely dueling it out with three Death Eaters. I let out a sigh and then bounced on the nearest Death Eater I saw.

"I hate fighting," I grumbled as a chucked a few spells his way and dodging a few as well. I was trying my hardest to immobilize him but he kept blocking all of my spells. Finally I just resorted to punching him when he got to close and then stunning him while he was down.

"Teach you to mess with me that will," I told him. Soon it looked better for our side as more people showed up and the Death Eaters began to fall. Within about a span of two hours I had six Death Eaters ready to cart away to Azkaban.

_"Crucio!" _

_"Expelliarmus!" _ I hissed quickly countering the spell as it came sizzling at me. The Death Eater was disarmed and I swiftly walked over to him rage boiling in my blood. I knew that voice all too well and I wasn't about to let him get away.

"Lucius…" I spat. I watched as a sneer curled on his lips from underneath the edges of his mask. Then he let out a laugh.

"How's your wifey doing Black? Have you checked on her recently? Do you know if she's still safe at home?" He asked slyly. The Death Eaters where retreating now and Lucius was going to get away with them, I just knew it…

"Leave Emma out of this you snake!"

"_Tsk tsk_ I'll take that as a no and that you haven't checked up on her. You really are a terrible husband you know that?" He smirked as he got to his feet. "I'd check up on her if I were you. Unless you want me to do it for you?"

"NO!" I shouted and took off at a run. I sprinted past James, Lily and Remus who gave me looks of confusion.

"Padfoot what's wrong?" They called after me. All I had to shout was one word. A name. My wife's name. Emma…I apperated mid run to the house and burst in screaming her name over and over.

"Emma! Emma! Emma please answer me! Emma where are you?" I bellowed her name checking every room in the house. Even the back yard and the garage, she was nowhere to be found. Soon Lily, James and Remus were in the house too, wondering what was going on. James grabbed me and forced me onto the couch to try and calm down.

"Emma's gone," I whispered still freaking out, my breathing heavy. Remus wasn't paying attention; he was reading a scrap of parchment that was on the kitchen table.

"Emma has gone to talk with your brother. Emma's with Regulas Sirius…" He said. Before anyone could get another word out I was gone, back on the doorstep to my old house. My childhood nightmare. I burst in to find Emma collapsed at the foot of the stairs a bloody gash on her head.

"Emma…!" I rushed to her side and grabbed her head and checked her for a pulse. Her eyes snapped open a second later. She started to open her mouth to say something to me but was cut off when the others burst through the door.

"I'm okay," She said quietly as they all looked at her concerned. I helped her up and then James and I both helped her apperate to St. Mungo's. When we got into the waiting room Emma insisted that she was fine.

"You are not fine you've got a great big bleeding gash on your head and were passed out for we don't know how long. You need to be looked over to make sure the baby is okay," Remus told her forcing her into a seat. I sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Sweetie, we're all here for you okay? None of us are leaving you, and that's a promise," I said. She nodded and then a nurse had us follow her back to go see the doctor. I told the others we'd be back soon.

"So Emma, tell me what happened?" The Doctor asked as he looked at her head wound and then began to heal it.

"I went to go see my brother in law because I know he's in league with Voldemort. I wanted to get some sort of information out of him, but it was a trap. When I knocked on the door Lucius was there instead and he attacked me, knocking me on the head and leaving me on the stair landing," She said getting a bit teary eyed. We all knew it was the baby hormones that were making her over emotional, but it didn't stop my heart from breaking a bit to see my wife cry.

"Well the good news is that the head wound is just a simple bump on the head and that the baby is fine. I know you had an appointment tomorrow but would you like to just get it over with today and find out what the sex of your baby is?" The doctor asked. We both nodded. He smiled and went to go get our usual doctor.

"Em, Regulas is a worthless piece of scum. Please promise me you'll never try anything like that again alright? Please for me?" She nodded and gave me a kiss. Just then Doctor Paisley came in and greeted us with a warm smile.

"I heard you took a little fall today, I'm sorry to hear that. But It seems like you're okay so we're just gonna have a quick peek at your little bundle and see how it's doing and find out what color you need to paint your nursery," She said kindly. She held her wand up to Emma's stomach and did a few spells. She nodded and smiled.

"Well, the fall and the knock to the head didn't do any damage what so ever to your baby girl. Congrats you two," She said smiling widely before leaving.

"A girl? We're having a girl?" I said shocked. Emma laughed.

"What did you think for sure we were gonna have a boy?" She asked me giving me a kiss. I nodded a little and then we went back to our friends, wide smiled on our faces.

"So…how is everything?"

"Everything is fine, and we're going to have a healthy baby girl!" Emma said. Lily threw her arms up in the air and hugged Emma tightly. Then we all went home to go celebrate. It was the good life for sure.


	23. Chapter 23

Footnotes

_Entry #23: July 1st _

The war is still threatening to get worse, but we've all done what we can to stay safe. At this point Emma was so pregnant she got put on bed rest and was due to burst at any second. Lily had been taking care of her when James, Remus or I couldn't and it made Emma a lot happier to have someone with her.

"How is my wifey today?" I asked as I sat down on the couch next to her after a long day. It had been nothing but trials today and I hated trails more than I hated Lucius.

"Your 'wifey' needs pain killers, and sooner would be better than later," She said. We looked at her, not sure what to do about it. I held her hand and looked her in the eyes and opened my mouth to say something when she cut me off.

"Relax it's nothing….I…." She stopped mid sentence and her eyes got wide and a sort of gasp escaped her mouth. We all waited, even more unsure of what to do than before. She placed a hand on her stomach and closed her eyes slowly.

"Emma…what is it?" She didn't answer my question. I looked at Lily for help but she shrugged her shoulders as confused as the rest of us were.

"Emma, tell me what is wrong."

"My water just broke," She grumbled. My turn for the look of horror now, but thankfully I wasn't the only one that freaked out. Floo powder was beginning to get to risky and wasn't about to apperate with Emma in labor. Lily was quick on her feet to owl Molly, Tonks and Remus and make James go get a bucket of hot water and lots of towels.

"Em, sweetie, I'm going to need you to relax alright? Everything is going to be just fine, you'll see. Molly is going to come and help us okay?" Lily said gently and holding her best friends hand. Just then Molly and Remus walked in. Molly had already had five kids and even had the twins with her, giving me one of them and the other one Remus had been holding when the two of them walked in the house. Lily was propping Emma up on pillows to make her more comfortable on the floor of our living room. We men were shoed from the living room and told to look after the twins who were only a few months old in the kitchen. I could hear the women talking and the occasional scream from Emma. James gave me a pat on the back as I tried my best to get Fred; or was it George, to calm down. We waited for hours, and the sounds that we heard gave us no idea as to what was going on. Occasionally Lily or Tonks would come into the kitchen to get something to eat or drink or help one of us with the twins. Eventually Arthur came by with his oldest boy Bill and took the kids home.

"How's she doing?" He asked bouncing one of his ginger children on his knee. James shrugged and I shook my head a little.

"Okay, I guess. I haven't really heard anything from the women they've been really busy," I replied.

"Well the first one always takes the longest. Once you get past that it's a breeze. Well of course, twins are always a complication but there are two instead of one…" Arthur reassured me. He bid us all farewell and we told him we'd see him soon at work. As soon as he left there was a huge commotion from the living room. We heard sighs and the cry of a baby. It had only been 30 hours but finally our first child had arrived. We ran into the kitchen as Molly and Lily were cleaning off the baby. Tonks was covering Emma up and forcing her to drink some water. I sat by her side as Remus and James stood by Lily and Molly who were wrapping a little pink bundle.

"Hi beautiful, how are you feeling, is there anything I can get you?" I asked kissing my exhausted looking wife. Molly handed Emma the baby and I stared at her shocked.

"Oh my god, she's gorgeous… how did we make something precious?" I asked as the baby cooed in her arms. Emma smiled at me.

"What should we name her?" Emma asked as she handed my baby girl to me so I could hold her for the first time.

"Kat," I said. "Katarina Evelyn Black." Emma nodded gazing at our daughter a wide smile on her face. Our friends and family surrounded us smiles on their faces as well.

"Hey Kat, welcome to the family."


	24. Chapter 24

Footnotes

_Entry #24: September 5th_

Years past and lives everywhere changed as did the war. Lily and James got married after Kat was born and just recently had a baby right after Emma and I had our second child. Often James would bring Harry over to play with Kat and our son Draco. We even had a big party recently to celebrate Harry's first birthday. Sadly though, Emma's cancer came back and there was no beating it this time. It was a miracle we even had Draco. Emma was confined to bed rest, so Remus took Kat frequently to help out. I took off a lot of time from work to be with Emma as much as possible.

"I'll be back in an hour love, I just have to go in and sign a few things and go talk to Mad Eye," I told Emma as I held her hand and kissed her forehead.

"Okay…" She said weakly as I kissed her forehead one last time before leaving.

"Hey Sirius?" She called as I was halfway out the door. I turned and looked at her, waiting for her to finish.

"Yeah babe?"

"I love you," Emma replied softly.

"I love you too," I said with a smile. I checked on Draco quickly who was sleeping in his crib. Remus was climbing up the stairs with Kat in his arms as I left.

"She's in good hands, as always don't worry," He said. As I took the Floo powder to work I couldn't help but reflect on my family. When Draco was born we couldn't believe how much he looked like David, the twins' father. James always said that Draco looked like Baby.

"Ah Sirius, good to see you, how are Emma and the kids doing since I saw them last?"

"They are good Alastor. Emma's not showing any signs of improvement but she's not declining either. And of course Kat is a little monster and Draco is growing rapidly. I can't believe how fast they grow!" I said. Mad Eye Moody gave a laugh and then had me follow him to his office to get all this paper work and things over with. We signed a few things, and then Albus dropped by to have a quick chat and also sign a couple of paper Moody had.

"How is Emma doing Sirius?" He asked me placing a hand on my shoulder. The gesture was very touching, knowing that Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the Order was concerned for my wife and family.

"She's hanging in there. Doctors say she doesn't have much time left though. I know that she knows that too. It's made things kind of tough with the kids," I said. Albus gave me a sympathetic smile and a nod.

"And how are the kids?"

"They're doing great. They look far too much like Emma both of them. Draco's getting the grasp of the whole being one. He's finally started talking and we can't keep the little bugger out of everything. Kat's taken to Remus a lot too. She follows him everywhere he goes and cries for hours when he leaves," I told my former headmaster. He nodded and smiled widely and laughed as I told him more stories about my silly and crazy children. It took my mind off of the pain that I felt for Emma. I was so upset that she was so sick. I didn't want our children to grow up without her. As I got closer to getting done with the paper work I realized how much I missed my family.

"You should just go home Mr. Black. Your wife and family needs you and it's not fair to keep you here any longer when you should be at home with them," Moody told me. I did as he said and I quickly went home. The house had a still to it that I didn't like. Lily was over and she was holding Harry who was sleeping in her arms. Attached to James was Draco who was trying to walk about the house. I didn't notice at first but now I could see that tears were streaming down Lily's face. James was trying to hold in an emotion that I wasn't sure of, rage, sadness or a mixture of both. Remus came down the stairs to greet me, and Kat ran to me.

"Daddy!" She said sweetly as I scooped her up. Remus also was crying. I gave everyone a confused look as I wiped some chocolate off of my daughter's face.

"What's wrong? Is Emma alright?" I asked them. Remus shook his head and James turned away from me.

"Sirius, I don't know how to tell you this…." He began. I shook my head. This wasn't happening.

"No, oh…god…oh god…no…" I sank to the floor with Kat still in my arms. She clung to my neck and hugged me closely as tears began to uncontrollably flow down my face. I buried my tear stained face in my sweet daughter's shoulder.

"Oh Emma…. I'm so sorry…."


	25. Chapter 25

Footnotes

_Entry #25: November 2nd _

The news hit everyone really hard. First Emma passed away and then James and Lily were killed by Lord Voldemort. My life was crumbling before me. I lost my wife and my best friend within a few months of each other. Remus was basically taking care of my kids…Emma's kids….

"He sold them that little rat! I'm gonna ring his bloody neck! He sold them out like they were animals! Animals Remus!" I bellowed kicking the nearest object, which happened to be Emma's favorite vase. As it shattered I let out a strangled sob mixed with a scream. Thankfully Kat and Draco weren't around to see my little fit. Everyone saw it. I was falling apart at the seams.

"Padfoot I know, but we are still in a war regardless of what has happened. He may be gone for now but that's not going to stop things from getting bad again. And trust me they will!" Remus shouted back. He always was the voice of reason.

"I'm going after him! I don't care what you say!" I hissed.

"What's going to happen to Kat and Draco if you get put in Azkaban? Did you ever think of that? Sirius you can't throw your life away, your children's lives away!" I stopped. What would happen to them…?

"I can't ask you to take the kids….that wouldn't be right," I grumbled. I didn't know what to do. Remus sat down next to me and repaired the vase that I broke before looking at me.

"I can take Kat but a werewolf should not be taking care of two children. I know it's gonna be painful to do this but if you really want to go through with this you're going to have to spilt the children up. I guess Tonks was saying that Narsissa and Lucius are infertile. I know you hate Lucius but at least Draco would stay in the family that way," Remus said with a shrug. I hated the idea. Lucius Malfoy, the world's most insufferable git raise my son? But what other option did I have?

"For a little while yeah I guess that could work as much as I don't like it," I replied with a heavy sigh. Remus owled Molly and Tonks so the kids could come back and get their stuff ready to head out in the morning and my mood dive bombed. I knew Kat would understand a little bit but I know Draco wouldn't. And I doubt Lucius would ever explain it to him. I would just have to explain it all to him myself.

"I love you both I want you to know that. And don't ever forget it," I told my children before I sent them to bed. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep so I sat down and wrote a little for Draco so that when he was older he'd understand and promised him I'd check in often.

"Am I doing what is right?" I said to myself as I knocked on the Malfoy residence door. Lucius answered with a sneer.

"Black…"

"Malfoy…let's just get this over with before I change my mind," I hissed at him. He just leered at me as I gave my son a hug goodbye.

"Every time you look at my boy, I want you to see her face. The face of my wife should haunt every second of your life for as long as you live," I told him. As I left he laughed. I went home and locked myself in my room and broke down. This by far was the second worst day of my life. And I just wanted all the pain to be over.


	26. Chapter 26

Footnotes

_Epilogue 16 years later_

Cleaning out Grimmuald Place was a huge task. Even though Harry had inherited it, there was a lot of my father's stuff I wanted to go through and see if there was anything worth keeping. My 'dad' Remus Lupin had most of my baby things including pictures and toys. But he talked about things that my father had that I wish I had. While clearing out the attic my husband Fred Weasley found an old journal that belonged to Sirius. Curious Fred, Harry and I read it. By the time we got to the last entry we were all unsure of what to say.

"Go on Kat, read the last entry,"

_Entry #26: December 24th, Christmas Eve_

It's been too long to even count the years that I gave a thought about this silly little journal. But it's something other than Remus to bounce ideas off of. They don't have paper in Azkaban, and it doesn't talk back to you. Today is Christmas Eve and like usual I've been sulking. My life had still been rock bottom. Emma has been dead for over ten years and I was still on the Ministry's most wanted list. To top it off my daughter Kat is mad at me and I have no idea who my son is.

I watched as the party went on and as my nephew, Harry, wrestled with his own thoughts. Kat was continuously shooting me worried glances. After a bit Kat walked over to Harry and whispered something in his ear. They talked for a bit looking about at everyone in Grimmuald Place as the Christmas party wore on. Besides Remus, Molly, Arthur, Fred, Albus and Mad Eye, nobody knew that those two were cousins, and everyone of those people was under an oath not to tell. Everyone else just knew Kat as Fred's fiancé.

"Sirius, is everything alright? You don't look so good," Kat asked pushing a plate of Molly's delish food into my lap, disturbing my thoughts. I hadn't even noticed the two had stopped talking. Ron, who I was always fond of but found he didn't catch onto things fast enough gave us funny looks as I continued to talk to my daughter.

"Seriously, I am worried about you. You've been strange for the past few days. And don't give me any of that Azkaban poppy cock. We both bloody know that isn't what has been bothering you," Kat said pushing a fork into my hand and urging me to eat. Suddenly I was aware Harry had also joined us and that the two were talking again. I was lost in thought about Emma, and Draco… how I missed them both.

"What would James say if he saw you like this?"

"What would James say Sirius? I think we both know the answer to that and that he would be clearly unhappy with how you've been acting. He'd do everything possible to try and make you feel better," Remus said joining my daughter and nephew. He spoke with Harry briefly and then Harry left and Remus rested his hand on my shoulder. Internally I sighed. I should have known these two would gang up on me. From day one Kat and Remus were the dynamic duo. I saw nothing had really changed since then. That at least gave me some relief.

"What about mum? What would she say if she saw you like this huh?" Kat said reading my mind. My sigh became vocal this time as I realized for the seventh time that night how much I missed my wife. Kat already looked too much like her to begin with…

"Please dad, tell me what's wrong," Kat asked kneeling next to me. She never called me dad; ever.

"Alright…follow me to the kitchen, I don't want to be over heard and cause more worry," I said taking my plate to the kitchen with the two behind me. When we got there Kat used a simple eves dropping spell so that anyone standing nearby couldn't hear us. Remus got us tea and made a cup for Kat just the way she liked it. Another reminder of Emma: Earl Grey with two sugars and milk. I cleared my throat as Kat took her first sip.

"What do you know about your baby brother?" I asked her.

"That he exists?" Kat paused. "Why?"

"I know that you don't really talk to a lot of the younger students besides Harry and his friends, but you do know a few of the fifth year's right?" I asked as she candidly stirred her tea.

"Mostly Gryffindors, the ones on the Quidditch team, yeah I guess. Where is this going?" Kat asked staring me down over her steaming cup. She was doing that thing Emma always did where by staring me down she felt like she could read my mind. Remus was still, his tea getting cold. I hadn't touched mine either.

"Do you know Draco Malfoy?" Kat scoffed. I was feeling that I wasn't going to like this answer.

"Yeah, slimy little git that one," She paused catching on quickly. "Don't tell me that he's my brother…?" I nodded.

"Oh Merlin, you have to be kidding me! This is a sick joke, Dad, please tell me Sirius is joking," She begged turning to Remus. Remus didn't say anything. By her answer my fear had become confirmed.

"No I am not joking, and from what Harry has told me he is not a very good person."

"He's just like his d….Lucius…he's just like Lucius Malfoy, need I tell you more?" Kat's tone was cold and harsh. Why was it that Lucius had to keep coming back to make my life miserable? That asshat just couldn't leave me alone.

"Now you know what has me so troubled. I've been haunted by the decision I made to give you both up. I knew at least one of you would be better off. One out of two isn't so bad I guess. It only kills me that my son thinks that the biggest toad in the Wizarding world is his real father. And there is nothing I can do about it," I sighed finally drinking some of my black tea. Kat's tea was already gone and she was staring me down again.

"You've got to tell him of course!" She urged getting up and standing next to me. "Wait, are you sure he's yours? He does look an awful lot like a Malfoy…"

"That's because he has your grandfather's blonde hair. You may look exactly like your mother but if you saw David Potter next to Draco you would know that he was part of the family. The similarities are uncanny," I said meekly. We spilt ways and I went to hide in my room. I wanted to write to Draco but I wasn't sure how to go about sending it to him and if I wanted to do that at all. Now that I look back I wish that I had done something more.

The last line was scribbled quickly, almost as though it was an afterthought. Of course I knew about Draco, and so did Harry but neither of us did anything about it after Sirius died. I sighed and Fred rested a hand on my shoulder as I looked to me cousin.

"What do we do now?" I asked him. He shrugged. We could tell Draco, but none of us really knew how to get a hold of him or what to say. I felt it was kind of my duty to tell him, as a favor to Sirius at least. But what was I gonna say? We finished up at the house and Fred and I went back to our humble little house where my friend Hermione was watching our son Noah. Fred took him for a bath and after I said goodbye to Hermione I sat down at my kitchen table and began to write a letter.

_Dear Draco,_

_I don't exactly know how to start this letter, but here it goes. As I am sure you might have figured out by now, Lucius Malfoy is not your real father. Nor is your mother really Narissa. My name is Katarina Black Weasley and I am your older sister. Our parents were Emma Black and Sirius Black. Unfortunately, both of our parents have passed on, but as your only other living relative I felt it important to tell you this and to tell you that we were split up for a reason and that reason was not that our parents didn't love us. We were split up because our father felt it would be better for us in his state of depression and then he was placed in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. His death was sad and I do miss him, but all he wanted was for you to know the truth. If you would like to contact me please feel free. I am always willing to talk about anything you'd like. _

_Kat Weasley. _

With a sigh I folded up the parchment and then gave it to our family owl and sent it off.

"So it begins…."


End file.
